Adam@Home by Rob Harrell for September 01, 2012

Compromise. Princess Anakin

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him rover or spot. I called mine sex. Now sex has been very embarrassing to me when I went to the city hall to renew the dog’s license for sex. I told the clerk I’d like a license for sex he said. “I would like to have one too!”. Then I said, “she is a dog!!”. He said he didn’t care what she looked like. I said, “you don’t understand. I had sex since I was 9 years old.” He replied, “You must have been quite a strong boy.”

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, “but sex has played a big part in my life and my life revolves around sex.” He said he didn’t want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everybody would like having sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the justice of peace. My family was barred from the church then on.

When my wife and went on out honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for sex. He said every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, “you don’t understand. Sex keeps me awake at night.” The clerk said, “me too!”

One day I entered sex in a contest. But before the competition began, sex ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. “You don’t understand!!” I said. “I hoped to have sex on TV!!”. He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “your honour. I had sex before I was married, but sex left me after I was married.” The judge said, “me too!!”

Last night, sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o’clock in the morning. I said, “I’m looking for sex.” My case comes up next Thursday.

Well now I have been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with my psychiatrist, she asked me, “what seems to be the trouble?” I replied, “sex has been my best friend all of my life but now it has left me forever. I couldn’t live any longer. So lonely.” The doctor said, “look mister you should understand sex isn’t a man’s best friend. So get yourself a dog.”

My cat is named Rajah from “Aladdin” and I used to have a cat named Iago from the same movie, and Disney hasn’t come after me yet.

Years ago I ended up with a dog. I told her, “Damn it, get off the couch,” and “Damn it, whizz outside,” and “Get over here, Damn it!” I ended up naming her Dammit. (1987-2001)

I swear, this could be my 2 grandchildren. He has watched the 6 Star Wars movies enough to quote them, and she carries her Disney princess dolls everywhere she goes.

Two days ago, I ushered “Red Hot Patriot.” Molly Ivins (played by Kathleen Turner) named her dog the S-word so she’d have an excuse to go outside and shout it now and then.

My dog was Bella. Sadly the kids weren’t ready and she ran away while I was at work. My son had taken her for a walk and left the back door open.

Regina. And, in the Discworld books, Granny Weatherwax was given a kitten and ended up naming it You.

“Come in here, you!”“You! Stop that!”

Try again you two.