Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for March 19, 2022

And don’t loiter in the stairwell, linger under the lampshade or dawdle in the doorway.

The hallway was white.

A gift of air from my colon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVpqxbddMsM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wm0hG_LjR_Q

A reverberating petarade will make the chandeliers tinkle festively.

But it’s the thought that counts.

A butt waving, cheek flapping, crowd clapping, and Nelly belly, jaw opening, Tounge rolling, browser burning. Ass release of gass, gift from our bodily Maker and following sticki, stinki since Adam and Eve….

He did offer to clean the ring around the tub.

Bubbles down under and all….

“But it had such reverb!”

Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all..

He’s leaving nothing for the servants, only for his hosts. And they’re disappointed?!

People who moved in, from out of the district, were often not prepared for the customs of their new homeland.

Well one of the guests invited had a real problem. He came into the kitchen just as the hostess lit the stove to put the kettle on for some tea, and ((((((((((((fooom! )))))))))))

His rear was consumed with fire, not to mention all the desserts on the table but this was the first time I had even seen a man’s pants on fire. We had to call the local fire department but the the gifts were charred, along with the kitchen kettle and some wooden spoons, which fueled the fire further. Days later he sent a beautiful tea pot, and a check for the repairs to the kitchen…..I still get a whiff of charred pants but it will dissipate after a while…so they tell me….

I’m sorry. This is Frog Applause™.

Non Sequitur is two doors down on the right (it’s a common mistake).

…political commentary was always rough for Clunker Tarcason…

…facts didn’t matter but farts did…

… he always farted on Tv…

…for every (mis)leading statement…

…he farted…

…the end product of knowing he was turning the Froglandia national flag into ‘we hold these truths to be self evident: NOT …

…his favorite dream…

…going back to 1938 and telling everyone that winning The Great War actually created Hitler…

…and that Alf Landon would had really made Froglandia ‘ok’ again…

…that Froglandia should rather invest its assets in big ylang ylang oil …

…and please, mister, please…

…don’t play B-17g…

…play the P-38 White Lighting, instead…

…aah,farts are alright for Tv watching…

…but, next time…

…bring a spoon rest, for the rest, will ya…

Tapestries would help with the echoes, but I’m concerned they’d absorb odors.

Ooh-ooh that smell

Can’t ya smell that smell

Ooh-ooh that smell

The smell of death’s around you

That wasn’t the the host meant when he said, “Go ahead and crack one open”. Something was warmed, but it wasn’t the house.

I will add those to my registry.

Father was indignant that his meal was interrupted by the sight of Louisa in drag heading out for the bars. But what really outraged him, was her loud, gaseous retort to his remonstrations on the stairway.

This would be a different world if flatulence came out in the form of a dark cloud … butt flatulatic converter mufflers would be Federally required apparel in order to protect the odorzone layer from appearing …!

They probably won’t appreciate the garden whimsy he placed with their pachysandra. https://tinyurl.com/WhimsyGift

Resounding farts are more like housefuming gifts than housewarming gifts. They would tend to cause an avalanche of guest departures.

Also, guest evictions. Get thee to an outhouse!

What died inside of him besides his dreams?

Please don’t talk about f*rts. Thank you.

Regarding the un-numbered Frog Blog entry, I think Bathmat and Robeman would be a fine subhero duo.

Da Blog: Tub Ring should be the archenemy of Bathmat … and symmetrical soiling should be its power …!

Day 2 of the olfactory insult to the housewarmee….