Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for June 26, 2023

Should we call her Constance? Shannon?

I used to work for the Khan of Spam.

Yes, but they’re all red herrings.

My references come from the land of pickled mackeral.

Fun fact: The Planet of Sardines was the name of a blog in 2005.

https://billcrider.blogspot.com/2005/02/planet-of-sardines.html

On the Blawg: FRAWGS!

https://lamefrogapplause.blogspot.com/2023/06/noisy-hungry-frogs.html

Mussels project.

Kramden, Ralph and Alice.

The Honeymooners

No, I’m either fishing for compliments or sounding pretty fishy.

I accuse Sister Teresa of grooming all the innocent children out there by introducing Conan O’Brien in drag. For shame.

…one day with a hint of inspiration…

…I asked what are the two least favorite “normal” pizza toppings…

…and asked to have…

…one anchovies and pineapple pizza, please…

…the guy looked at me like I asked him to put screen doors on the outside of a submarine…

…but said…

…it’s your nickle…

…when I got home I added sriracha sauce…

……perfection!…

…so started my journey that I called, The Planet of Sara Dines…

…Subways spicy Italian with tuna…

…I call it, the Atomic Sub…

…Burger Kings’ Impossible Whopper: with double bacon!…

…I call it, The Hypocrite…

…crunchy peanut butter on rye with sriracha…

…and of course…

…different flavors of Vienna sausages…

…I don’t do drag…

…but I do do pleaded skirts when asked…

…no need to plead for the pleaded…

…as a tradition for me…

…the week before shutdown…

.. I get a can of wintergreen pouches of chew…

…[the week before shutdown, so I can more easily quit]…

…It puts me on the spot…

…to acknowledge addiction and the risks and troubles that comes along with it…

…I find solace and compassion for those troubled with it…

…like my Mom did before cancer took her…

…but, I passed the gas station this morning…

…I mean, I pulled in…

…but I also pulled out…

…not today, Mister…

Is this a bathmat factory job interview?

Leave the sardines. Bring the newspaper.

I did intern with some Epstein guy, in the entertainment division of his company, but those records are sealed.

The Natural State will never be the same:

https://tinyurl.com/SayMcIntoshObit

Well, THIS is odd!

I’m pretty sure I listed all the references in my résumé!

I worked at a Five & Dime, a bakery, museum, and came from Uranus…what more does she need?

I didn’t want to drop names, but you forced me in to it: the Kingfisher of Enceladus. When do I start?

HA! Conan!

Got any crackers?

Oh I’ve got a brand new pair of sardine cans, you got a brand new key…

Do you want to open up with me?

Impressed that she took the time to ask …!

( still has a shot )

The asteroid of saltines?

Yes, Crab Nebula and Camelopardalis.

Anywho, do the sardines walk, talk, and chew plankton at the same time. Oh Gladys it’s tea time and too catch the big fish handsome sorry Charley mouldy Harley in Prego® red sauce.

I’ve got one from some planet that seemed to be inhabited by dirty apes.

And I will not reveal my sauces!

This guy can vouch for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5le9sYdYkM

Conan was nothing without Andy Richter at his side. Not in drag, for sure.

I do not know the Planet of Sardines, though my starship days saw many an unfamiliar planet, oft with odd (to humans) inhabitants. Besides, I would not have my resumé made public if it bore only a single, obscure reference! The very though of doing so is too lame for words!

That 8 year hole in my employment record?

No, I can’t tell you about it, I signed an NDA.

You can contact my former employers, maybe with an Ouija board.