Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for June 02, 2015

Presented for your enjoyment:

BENTONVILLE, ARK (AP) – Some Wal-mart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount item: WAL-MART’S OWN BRAND OF WINE. The world’s largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of Modesto, Calif., to produce the spirits at an affordable price; in the $6-8 range.

“While wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-mart brand wine into their shopping carts, there is a market for cheap wine,” said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at Roger Williams University in Bristol, R.I. “There is wine in a box that people are willing to buy,” she said. “The right name is important.”

The top 15 suggested names for Wal-mart Wine:

15. Box O’ Grapes

14. Chateau Traileur Doublewide

13. White Trashfindel

12. Big Red Gulp

11. Grape Expectations

10. Domaine Wal-mart: “Merde du Pays”

9. NASCARbernet

8. Chef Boyardeaux

7. Peanut Noir

6. Blue Light Special Nun

5. Chateau des Moines

4. Martha Stewart’s Sour Grapes

3. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Vinegar!

2. World Championship Wriesling

and the number 1 name for Wal-mart Wine…

1. Nasti Spumante