Over the Hedge by T Lewis and Michael Fry for June 21, 2015
Transcript:
mirror: Bumgarner on the mound...the count: 2 and 2... rj: y'know what would make baseball more fun? and the pitch... rj: An exploding baseball. high and outside. ball three.... rj: No. wait...an exploding disintegrator baseball. Rj: The second the bat hits the ball, the sport would vaporize into a cloud of snail paced nostalgia and stinky socks. posey gives the sign. bum looks to first... but that's never gonna happen 'cause nerds like you love this stupid slowpoke game. whip! slide! drop! loop de loop! shwish! thwap!!! tv: strike 3! He retires the side!! rJ: how'd he do that? verne: Without any help from you.
Those who complain that baseball is too slow a game simply do not understand it. They fail to realize that each pitch is a complete play. Defenders move before, during and after a pitch. Any runners on base do the same, and affect how the defenders move. As the count changes with each pitch, so do the dynamics of that specific contest between pitcher and batter. Decisions are made regarding type of pitch to throw, and where to try to throw it with respect to the strike zone. Managers are making decisions as to both offensive and defensive plays to run with each pitch, depending on the totality of the circumstances of the game and the at-bat. The fielders too are making decisions with each pitch about what to do if the ball is hit to them, depending on whether it is hit on the ground or in the air and how hard it is hit. The batter is making decisions with each pitch as to what he might be trying to do offensively; hit to a particular area of the field, bunt or take a full swing, try for a home run, a hit, or a sacrifice of some sort. Myriad calculations are going on in the heads of everyone involved with each pitch, and a wide range of decisions arise from all those calculations. This is why it is called “the thinking man’s game.”