Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 18, 2018

Either way, you’ll end up in a coma.

Seems nice. You get to skip life and it’s sad stages, from depression to being broke. You have a good plan Pig. Keep on going.

If my mom asks me if I have a plan for my life, that’s kinda my answer: “Eat so much cheese I slip into happiness.” Ya notice I didn’t say “a happiness coma”? Mothers tend to freak out if her kid says that he’s gonna have a coma. But of course there are way better plans for your life than just eating cheese!

Yes, there are – add bread and eat grilled cheese sandwiches

Pretty cheesy plan.

His mother should think of all the people who won’t have Pig for a lawyer. It’s better this way.

Anyway, if Li’l Abner could get a job as a mattress tester, maybe Pig could work as a cheese taster.

The cheese plan has a much higher probability of success.

Given Pig’s general level of intelligence, he’d fit right in with them lawyers!

But he’s a pig, not a shark!

My mother says I have no ambition. Untrue! My greatest ambition is to retire.

We Moms never give up. When gone from this world we’re still here giving non-verbal advice that might turn up in some pain in your stomach or stray thought in your head, “hey, Mom might have been right."

Is she paying for it?

Pig will be going to Ham and Bacon University because he has great taste !

But they don’t have happiness comas in law school.

Isn’t law school where miserable people go to learn how to make other people miserable? Pig doesn’t belong there.

It took some time but I finally found a plan for my life that works.

Where ever you go in life, there you are. (thanks SNL)

Why would you want your son to go to law school? So he can end up like Cartoon Boy?

Yeah. Go to law school, and unless it is a very top tier law school you will end up hopelessly in debt and doomed to a life of unending grunt work on divorces and fender benders.

I can’t really picture, Pig being a lawyer. I know that The Three Stooges were doctors in one episode, were they ever lawyers? If they ever were then, Pig, probably has a shot

Victoria Principle, when she was Pam Ewing and my idea of the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen, wrote a book saying that she was so pretty because she didn’t eat cheese. I though it over: If I could look like her, would I give up cheese. I voted no.

“We had a lawyer who kept his hands in his own pockets – a very rare creature indeed.” Mark Twain.

“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.” William Shakespeare: Henry IV Part 2; Act IV, scene ii.

No Pig, cheese won’t quite do the trick. For that you need chocolate!

Pig’s Mom didn’t realize that Pig was actually describing his plans on becoming a local political project planner.

He heard Congress makes appropriation for just pork projects.

I’m eating cheese right now!

Moms are like that, Pig. But she will still love you, even if you end up nothing more than bacon in some butcher’s shop….

Pig’s mom, who is a pig, named her son Pig….