Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for March 07, 2019

The fact that you can still write a letter to the Universe is proof that you haven’t seen your worst day.

Appears that it is not wise to challenge the Universe. “If you won’t take care of us, won’t you please just let us be”? Randy Newman.

The 2020 presidential elections are around the corner, and the competitors are getting restless and thirsty for blood

Good idea not to rile the Universe too much; it’s got galaxies of hurt just waiting in the cosmic warehouse! Keep smiling, Pig, and whistle past that cemetery.

So much for sympathy from the Universe.

What happened yesterday? Did you get beaten up by a plum?

Of all the universes in the Multiverse, we had to be stuck in this one.

So said Justin Trudeau.

No such thing as a universal cure.

Pig let the sleeping dog … sleep ! Croc Power !

Challenge accepted.

Dunno about the universe, my ‘personal creator’ (mother) used to play me the world’s tiniest violin, often. Or, to cite the Eagles Get Over It, “the big bad world doesn’t owe you a thing”.

There is some Pearls-bashing happening at Mark Trail today. What is up with that?

Wow

The ultimate “Hold My Beer” opportunity….

Well, if it is, we’re all in last place.

Careful what you wish for Pig.

In other word Pig, quit complaining.

Signed,

Job

It may not be a contest but the universe is nice enough to let you know

“That the worst is yet to come”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hul1kuWDKE

I was having a miserable day and I was depressed, when a voice from the heavens said:

“Cheer, things could be worse”

So I cheered up, and sure enough, things got worse.

Never say it could be worse. Say it can only get beter.

That’s just the spider in the web in the ceiling light. His girlfriend just left him to raise the kids all alone…

…Nothing’s gonna change your world, Universe – The Beatles ?

If Pig isn’t careful he’ll be the main course at the ‘restaurant at the end of the universe’.

Maybe Pig is actually writing to ‘Mr. Universe’.

I plan to skid sidewise across the finish line with crumpled fenders and shattered headlights yelling “MAN, WHAT A RIDE!”

Here, hold my beer.

Please Pig,don’t turn that into a chain letter…keep it to yourself! Well,maybe one copy for Rat…

Friggin’ Universe.

A man said to the universe: “Sir, I exist!”“However,” replied the universe, “The fact has not created in me A sense of obligation.”— Stephen Crane

When anyone says, “It’s not a contest,” always reply with, “Said the loser!”

If you want to hear God laughing, tell him your plans.

At least you got it out of the way now.

No doubt the universe HAS topped it — for someone else. Put your troubles in perspective, pig, and you’ll be a lot happier.

One thing I have learned it that someone else always has it worse. And helping someone else that has it worse makes things better for both of you.

I guess Pig didn’t get to eat any cheese yesterday

It’s hard to deal with Life, The Universe and Everytging,

My favourite blessing:

May the lesser gods adore you and the great ones never know you exist.

Yes, Pig. God hates you.

Pig. It’s always a contest!

Never start a measuring contest with the universe.

The Universe is prepared to dish up an even worse day for Pig.

Oh, but it is a contest. And you lose, Pig….

I recall the great Bill Cosby’s line, “NEVER TEMPT WORSE” i.e. “it can’t get worse”, because it always WILL. The Powers That Be take it as a challenge.

Wow

I think the universe topped it…..

this is the most relatable thing ever