Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for January 08, 2019

Transcript:

richard's poor almanac voting a guide for the anxious by richard thompson upon arriving at your polling & before you're cleared to vote. you'll want to wash your hands several times or more. a waterless handwashing station & moist towelettees are provided are provided for your convenience. push vote when you approach the voting booth, advance in a normal fashion. do not shamble, crawl or sidle. and don't go peeking under the voting booth looking for crouching supreme court justices. they aren't there. while in the voting booth do not gibber, ululate or swear. "lucky" objects, sweaters, etc., are permitted. if you feel panicky. press the "call: button. a voter hostess will respond. please exit quickly when finished. before you receive your "i voted" sticker, you'll want to wash your hands a few more times. you may now return home. the results of your vote will be made available in 4-6 weeks. thank you.