Tonight’s story is another one from the high school pressbox, appropriately filed under the banner of “What were they THINKING??”
Years ago, to open the second half in high school football, the home team players would come charging out of the locker room and back onto the football field, breaking through a big piece of paper held by the cheerleaders that had some written comment about the other team: BEAT THE COUGARS, TAME THE LIONS, LASSO THE COWBOYS or some such. (Note: this practice has been largely discontinued due to concerns it might be perceived as disrespectful to the other team, thereby hurting their feelings.)
On one such evening, the cheerleaders decided somehow to give a little more altitude to their signage, so they stood on the players’ bench, holding up the sign so the crowd could read it, but also obscuring the bench in the process. Those of us in the press box saw the disaster unfolding, but we were helpless to do anything but watch in horror as the players broke through the sign, tripping over the bench in the process, sending the cheerleaders flying and hurting a few players badly enough to keep them out of the game for the first few plays. Injuries, even minor ones, usually aren’t very funny, but we could barely contain ourselves throughout the rest of the game.
We got one little tidbit of information about roaches from RBION, so I thought I’d get into roach sensitivities a bit.
Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant. “I was in that new restaurant across the street,” said one. “It’s so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere—it’s so sanitary that the whole place shines.” “Please,” said the other roach frowning. “Not while I’m eating!”
In late 2021 archaeologists found several Egyptian mummies that had tongues made of gold foil possibly meant to help make them popular with female mummies in the afterlife. Hey, just as likely. Believe It or Not!
Two doctors were at the subway station, heading for another work dayWhen they noticed an old man hunching and limping around.
Poor guy – says one doctor. Yet another victim of sclerosis.
Sclerosis? – asks the other one. I don’t think so. That’s clearly rheumatism.
You can’t be serious , replies the first one. How are you even a doctor if you can’t identify a case of sclerosis?
Why don’t we ask him then? We’re never going to get anywhere just arguing here.
The two doctors then approach the old man. Excuse me, sir. My friend and I are doctors, and we were wondering about your condition. I said you have sclerosis, while my friend said you have rheumatism. Could you please sort this out for us?
Well, says the old man, it looks like the three of us were mistaken.
The three of us? asks the first doctor.
Yes. I was wrong too, comments the old man. I thought it was just a little fart.
You never know when you’re going to find a joke you’ll want to share. And that’s why I close with “Until next time.”
You remember those foil widgets they sold in the back of comic books? You put it on your tongue and “threw your voice!” like a ventriloquist. This was an early Egyptian prototype.
eromlig almost 3 years ago
Tonight’s story is another one from the high school pressbox, appropriately filed under the banner of “What were they THINKING??”
Years ago, to open the second half in high school football, the home team players would come charging out of the locker room and back onto the football field, breaking through a big piece of paper held by the cheerleaders that had some written comment about the other team: BEAT THE COUGARS, TAME THE LIONS, LASSO THE COWBOYS or some such. (Note: this practice has been largely discontinued due to concerns it might be perceived as disrespectful to the other team, thereby hurting their feelings.)
On one such evening, the cheerleaders decided somehow to give a little more altitude to their signage, so they stood on the players’ bench, holding up the sign so the crowd could read it, but also obscuring the bench in the process. Those of us in the press box saw the disaster unfolding, but we were helpless to do anything but watch in horror as the players broke through the sign, tripping over the bench in the process, sending the cheerleaders flying and hurting a few players badly enough to keep them out of the game for the first few plays. Injuries, even minor ones, usually aren’t very funny, but we could barely contain ourselves throughout the rest of the game.
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 3 years ago
We got one little tidbit of information about roaches from RBION, so I thought I’d get into roach sensitivities a bit.
Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant. “I was in that new restaurant across the street,” said one. “It’s so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere—it’s so sanitary that the whole place shines.” “Please,” said the other roach frowning. “Not while I’m eating!”
Until next time.
in-dubio-pro-rainbow almost 3 years ago
Oh, mummy! Don’t you know that only “Silence Is Golden”? (BTW: I wonder if the cockroaches without heads become their politicians)
boniface22 almost 3 years ago
Do they grow a new one?
theincrediblebulk almost 3 years ago
Read a far less believable news story last night about goldfish being taught how to drive.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/science/goldfish-driving-1.6309485
And I thought it was difficult explaining to the non fluent immigrant how to get to my destination. I don’t have a clue as to how to speak goldfish.
Count Olaf Premium Member almost 3 years ago
In late 2021 archaeologists found several Egyptian mummies that had tongues made of gold foil possibly meant to help make them popular with female mummies in the afterlife. Hey, just as likely. Believe It or Not!
Huckleberry Hiroshima almost 3 years ago
Seems to be an awful lot of people now days living without their heads, or at least the use thereof.
Take care, may aspiring gold hoarder Randal “I’m Starting With This Tooth And Fort Knox Is On The Horizon” Phelpsord be with you, and gesundheit.
oakie817 almost 3 years ago
big deal…politicians can live for years with no head
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 3 years ago
I guess this is a Two-For Tuesday.
Two doctors were at the subway station, heading for another work dayWhen they noticed an old man hunching and limping around.
Poor guy – says one doctor. Yet another victim of sclerosis.
Sclerosis? – asks the other one. I don’t think so. That’s clearly rheumatism.
You can’t be serious , replies the first one. How are you even a doctor if you can’t identify a case of sclerosis?
Why don’t we ask him then? We’re never going to get anywhere just arguing here.
The two doctors then approach the old man. Excuse me, sir. My friend and I are doctors, and we were wondering about your condition. I said you have sclerosis, while my friend said you have rheumatism. Could you please sort this out for us?
Well, says the old man, it looks like the three of us were mistaken.
The three of us? asks the first doctor.
Yes. I was wrong too, comments the old man. I thought it was just a little fart.
You never know when you’re going to find a joke you’ll want to share. And that’s why I close with “Until next time.”
artegal almost 3 years ago
What about all the other mummies? Didn’t they get a say?
Saddenedby Premium Member almost 3 years ago
no head – fake tongues – deceptive entryways. yes, it is normal modern life.
kelharrell almost 3 years ago
Politicians can live for years without their heads…
Carl Rennhack Premium Member almost 3 years ago
That subway entrance reminds me of the designs of some of the RBION Museums!
mindjob almost 3 years ago
“The Mummy with the Golden Tongue” was a rejected James Bond movie title
FassEddie almost 3 years ago
You remember those foil widgets they sold in the back of comic books? You put it on your tongue and “threw your voice!” like a ventriloquist. This was an early Egyptian prototype.
Stephen Gilberg almost 3 years ago
Should’ve gone with a silver tongue.
Templo S.U.D. almost 3 years ago
Tell me something I don’t know about cockroach decapitation.