Rubes by Leigh Rubin for August 19, 2012

squeal like a pig

In Lewis and Clark’s journal after a couple of encounters with grizzly bears, they wrote something to the effect of “our curiosity about these animals is much satisfied.”

Those two guys better be packing more than packs or they’ll need to get packing.

When you’re hiking in the woods with your buddy and a bear chases you, you don’t have to out run the bear. You just have to out run your buddy.

Don’t forget the Charmin.

do you think they’re red or blue pack Charmin users?

If your running from a bear how do you tell if it is a black bear or a grizzly bear chasing you?

Answer: Climb a tree if it climbs up after you it is a black bear and if it knocks the tree over to get you it is a grizzly bear…

Don’t forget, Lewis and Clark carried rifles.

Ursine cuisine.

There is nothing quite as exciting as running down the trail with a big bear behind.

Lewis and Clark had Sacajawea with them-a brave Indian girl. She would have shot those bears with her bow and arrows. Yes, female Indians used bows, arrows, tomahawks, and went hunting for buffalo with the men.

They’ll finally get to see a bear poop in the woods!

Looks like somebody in BC took my advice.