Rubes by Leigh Rubin for October 14, 2021

Even the worm has died.

I’m pretty much opposed to the fairy stories whose “moral” is that the way to get ahead is to marry the prince, find a dragon’s hoard… or genie; become a Stockholm Syndrome survivor ( Beauty and the Beast ) or otherwise skip over the effort of becoming a better person.

Was poison listed on the label?

In California Prop 65 says they cause cancer…..

No thanks. Keep your iPoison.

That’s when she got Cindy put away for littering.

“Hold up Goldilocks….is that porridge gluten-free?”

Well apparently this one learned about the importance of reading warning labels after the whole comb and girdle incidents.

1) Just a guess, but is her phone Android-based?

2) No apples for her. She wants to marry a doctor, not keep him away.

So not only do they keep doctors away but witches too?

But it’s vegan!

“You’ve been stood around for years,

Seen my smiles and touched my tears:

How it’s been a long, long time,

And how you’ve been on my mind, my Apple Scruffs."

—G. Harrison (R.I.P.)

But now you won’t meet Prince Charming.

This woman could touch her knees without bending forward.