Ted Rall for October 23, 1999

Transcript:

If creationism is back, why not teach other creation myths? Biology guidelines for fair schools. Maryland's State Schools have responded to its Latin-American parents by adding their religious beliefs to the curriculum. (Woman: Saturn, father of all of the Gods, created Mount Olympus.) (Kid: Are we going to be quizzed on this?) And Nebraskans have banned both evolution and creationism in favor of Native-American views of man's origins. (Kid 2: Then a great eagle spread his wings and-) (Kid 1: Atheist pig! You can't spout Navajo garbage in apache schools!) What about students who want to learn other philosophies? Soon they'll be able to study in the state that matches their pre-existing beliefs. (Man: Good news, children! We're moving to Vermont, where they respect our adherence to Zoroastrianism!) (Kid 3: Thank you, Ahura!) (Kid 4: Ormuzd is love!) It'll be just like Yugoslavia: with Americans moving to states based on their approved creation myths, a century approved creation myths, a century of conflict comes to an end! (Man 2: What's your problem?! They teach your brats that the earth rests on the back of a turtle, just like you believe!) (Man 3: Yeah, but I have to live in Guam- I'm bringing turtilism to Texas!)