Ted Rall for February 17, 2007

Transcript:

Man: Whales have spindle neurons, which process emotions, speech, intuition and social interactions. They're too intelligent to kill! Scorpion: We need a biological advantage to stop people from stepping on our delicate thoraxes! Spider: We inherited the non-metal proliferation pact from our ancestor the horseshoe crab. But they wouldn't have signed it if they'd had spindle neurons! Tick: What are they gonna do: spray us with chemicals? Spider: We'd be scared - if we had those spindle neurons! HA ha ha ha ha The discovery that whale brains have cells previously only found in humans and apes has increased calls to ban killing them. Arguing that they deserve the same protection, arachnid scientists are working to acquire spindle neuron technology. They dismiss critics who call the research an illegal threat to natural selection. Next: sanctions spark more intransigence!