Ted Rall for August 18, 2007

Transcript:

4% of American adults have never had sex. Until now, they've been pathetic losers. Yeah, well, I've been busy! I would've done "it" someday! Whether to bathe is up to me. @*! Until now. Sexless Americans are demanding action. And they've got a celebrity spokesman! I'm famous actor Charlie Sheen. I've laid some serious pipe - and I can't believe some people haven't even done it once!! Maxim. Even if you don't care about Charlie Sheen, victims of involuntary celibacy know you'll respond to... Chastity victims awareness ribbons!* *Sorry - all the good colors were taken. Combating donor fatigue 2.0: charity is a zero-sum game! Boom tumors are yesterday's news. Dedicate your extra bucks - and your body - to sex aid: the campaign to deflower America's virgins!