Marcellus thought that his new bionic arm would make him more than a match for any lion. What he didn’t know was that Leo had had his jaw cybernetically enhanced so it could crush steel.
Gladiators would battle for freedom. / Bread and wine were their only “per diem.” / Some used tridents and nets / as the viewers placed bets / in this larger-than-death mausoleum. /// When he charged, all the Romans could see him / as he fought cross the great Colosseum. / His opponent in view, / shouts “Fork me? No, fork you!!” / Now his skull decorates a museum.
As it happens, I am reading Gladiator: The Roman Fighter’s [Unofficial] Manual The arm armor was fairly standard for a retiarii. They did not have a regular sort of shield since they had two objects to carry already, the trident and the net, So armor on the left arm instead.
A young Roman fellow named Marius/ trained hard to become a Retiarius/ he was sadly deterred/ by the diaper absurd/ and his teeth were atrociously carious !
The Retiarius grew simply hyper/when the Secutor laughed at his diaper/but the fans were hilarious/ when a sly Sagittarius/ took them both down – he fought as a sniper./// For despite your heroic resistance/ and your courage, and endless persistence/ you must lose in the end/ (just face it, my friend)/ to the fellow who fights from a distance.
Early experiments in creating the Bionic Man met with mixed reviews … It wasn’t exactly a roaring success when dealing with the beasts of the colosseum and the Emperor gave it the thumbs up!
As seltzer bottles and water-spraying lapel flowers had not yet been invented, early circus clowns relied on arterial spray to get the crowds laughing.
Being Secutor isn’t much better/ you’re supposed to be the “go-getter”/ but your shield weighs a ton/ and under the sun/ your helmet feels like a wool sweater.
Both are jobs for the kind of a guy/ who is really reluctant to die/ and who may get a thrill/ when it’s legal to kill/ so to be an accountant I’ll try…
BE THIS GUY over 3 years ago
Tetraites was disqualified after they found “sticky stuff” on his trident.
rmremail over 3 years ago
Naked, but not Afraid
Solstice*1947 over 3 years ago
The Winter Soldier takes a spa day.
rmremail over 3 years ago
Marcellus thought that his new bionic arm would make him more than a match for any lion. What he didn’t know was that Leo had had his jaw cybernetically enhanced so it could crush steel.
rmremail over 3 years ago
Remember, make it look good before you take a dive in the third round.
Say What Now‽ Premium Member over 3 years ago
He slept in and didn’t get enough time to finish putting on his armored suit.
rmremail over 3 years ago
Don’t fork with me.
ronaldspence over 3 years ago
Finally that last olive will be mine!
Solstice*1947 over 3 years ago
Four out of five retiarii recommend Trident. Stallonicus, unfortunately, was the fifth.
Strob Premium Member over 3 years ago
Tridents are normally, but not always, quite effective against giant sea-slug attacks.
Solstice*1947 over 3 years ago
Gladiators would battle for freedom. / Bread and wine were their only “per diem.” / Some used tridents and nets / as the viewers placed bets / in this larger-than-death mausoleum. /// When he charged, all the Romans could see him / as he fought cross the great Colosseum. / His opponent in view, / shouts “Fork me? No, fork you!!” / Now his skull decorates a museum.
Running Buffalo Premium Member over 3 years ago
Terminator - the early years.
Baslim the Beggar Premium Member over 3 years ago
As it happens, I am reading Gladiator: The Roman Fighter’s [Unofficial] Manual The arm armor was fairly standard for a retiarii. They did not have a regular sort of shield since they had two objects to carry already, the trident and the net, So armor on the left arm instead.
Jayalexander over 3 years ago
‘Aw come on you coward. It’s just a flesh wound.
Charliegirl Premium Member over 3 years ago
That’s a disturbing painting.
Solstice*1947 over 3 years ago
Marvel Cinematic Universe, Phase VIII: “Gladiator meets Venom — Symbioticus Rex” (the transformation)
gopher gofer over 3 years ago
spartacus always took his iTrident with him on his morning jog…
Call me Ishmael over 3 years ago
“Epater le bourgeois !”
bobpeters61 over 3 years ago
The ancient origins of pole vaulting.
[Traveler] Premium Member over 3 years ago
Suppose someone comes at you with a banana
Call me Ishmael over 3 years ago
A young Roman fellow named Marius/ trained hard to become a Retiarius/ he was sadly deterred/ by the diaper absurd/ and his teeth were atrociously carious !
Call me Ishmael over 3 years ago
“That does it ! Now I’m seriously angry!”
KEA over 3 years ago
Winter soldier?
Call me Ishmael over 3 years ago
The Retiarius grew simply hyper/when the Secutor laughed at his diaper/but the fans were hilarious/ when a sly Sagittarius/ took them both down – he fought as a sniper./// For despite your heroic resistance/ and your courage, and endless persistence/ you must lose in the end/ (just face it, my friend)/ to the fellow who fights from a distance.
Bookworm over 3 years ago
“Ave, Caesar, morituri te salutant.”
Linguist over 3 years ago
Early experiments in creating the Bionic Man met with mixed reviews … It wasn’t exactly a roaring success when dealing with the beasts of the colosseum and the Emperor gave it the thumbs up!
Indianapolis Smith over 3 years ago
“The Winter Soldier: 2nd Beta test”
Another Take over 3 years ago
As seltzer bottles and water-spraying lapel flowers had not yet been invented, early circus clowns relied on arterial spray to get the crowds laughing.
Rev Phnk Ey over 3 years ago
Cyberius really like his new smart belt, but unfortunately it failed to hold up his drawers.
MuddyUSA Premium Member over 3 years ago
Hold on I want my marshmallow!
Buzzworld over 3 years ago
“HOT, HOT, HOT!! The sand is burning my feet!”
Calvins Brother over 3 years ago
Bitten by an alien, he was starting to turn into one.
Balaclava over 3 years ago
If I were the lion I would bite the whole artificial arm off after a prod of that trident! And what is that around his ankles?
prrdh over 3 years ago
Montanus on the occasion of his invention of the giant leech gambit.
fritzoid Premium Member over 3 years ago
“Guys, this thing is rusted and I can’t bend my elbow! Guys? GUYS?!?”
Honorable Mention In The Banjo Toss Premium Member over 3 years ago
“Damn it, how many times do I have to tell you? The lion fork goes on the LEFT!”
Holden Awn over 3 years ago
He really suspected the therapeutic benefits of leeches was over estimated.
Call me Ishmael over 3 years ago
Nuthin could be worse, though/ than to hear “pollice verso” in the mor-or-ornin’..
mabrndt Premium Member over 3 years ago
A Retiarius:
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Jean_L%C3%A9on_G%C3%A9r%C3%B4me_-_A_Retiarius.webp
has info and links that point to more info about this roughly B4 paper size painting.
Again, a larger strip image is shown by (⌘- or Ctrl-) clicking the image at
http://thatispriceless.blogspot.com/2021/07/blog-post.html
I have added a comment there pointing to the artist info I used to point to here. So far, 24 works by this artist have been used here.
https://www.gocomics.com/that-is-priceless/2021/06/08?comments=visible
has the prior (my comment there pointed to the same artist info URLs that I pointed to at Mr. Melcher’s blog entry).
Call me Ishmael over 3 years ago
The “profession” of Retiarius/ is entirely too precarious/ with no armor protection/ from any direction/ and the ways of dying so various…
Call me Ishmael over 3 years ago
Being Secutor isn’t much better/ you’re supposed to be the “go-getter”/ but your shield weighs a ton/ and under the sun/ your helmet feels like a wool sweater.
MissScarlet Premium Member over 3 years ago
This is what happens when you are last in line to pick armor. You take what is left over.
Call me Ishmael over 3 years ago
Both are jobs for the kind of a guy/ who is really reluctant to die/ and who may get a thrill/ when it’s legal to kill/ so to be an accountant I’ll try…
Ken Holman Premium Member over 3 years ago
Your mother warned you about what would happen if you didn’t stop!
d1234dick Premium Member over 3 years ago
Justin just couldn’t get over his love for smores, even after loosing a arm in the fire.he used his shirt to pay for trying.
Bilan over 3 years ago
He’s not really a Retiarius. That’s the guy that picks up the lion scat after each show.
wi3leong Premium Member over 3 years ago
So what happened to his net?
PatsyL.Paul over 3 years ago
“RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!”
Call me Ishmael 4 months ago
“Use the fork, Luke!”