That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for March 04, 2022

Of course, M. Duranty was sulking. He was suffering from writer’s block; his wife was cheating on him; and Manet had challenged him to a duel over something Degas had done.

Denise, act natural and don’t look at the painter!

/// Hilde swallowed a huge chunk of cheese,

and then right away started to wheeze;

gagging, getting no air.

Though her husband was there,

he’s a mean, unreliable sleaze.

/// At his desk, he is Sulking, (no joking),

unaware that his partner is choking.

She was forced to pursue her

solo Heimlich maneuver.

Thus a chair’s back kept Hilde from croaking.

Family portrait of Ben and Eileen Dover…

I understand that she’s annoyed that her husband isn’t paying attention to her, but she needs to let the man finish the taxes first.

You can tell from his troubled expression/

That they’ve just had a difficult session/

Those Yoga moves tax/

The most supple of backs/

And they’ve called for “Divine” intercession …

/// Deadline’s come, so the banker’s supposing

that her mortgage he’ll now be foreclosing.

But she holds in her hand

the true deed to her land,

and his fraud she will now be exposing.

Her bustle broke, now she can’t straighten up.

THERE !!!! Listen !!! There it is again Dorothy. Do you hear it? It sounds like a wild bunch of horses riding right by our house.

I hear she pads her bustle…

“It’s awkward being doubled over all the time. But it comes in handy when eating soup.”

“He turned away in disgust. He was hoping for a quick peek but her outfit hid her cleavage.”

is it just me, or are these roaches on steroids…?

“Ok I’m in position. Let’s do this.”

“One sec, It’s hard to get excited when I look have to see your face.”

Well, it was your idea to have a second bowl of chili at lunch.

Degas took the next step in self-promotion by including one of his own paintings in this new work.

They tried to look nonchalant as the potential investors filed in. But their floating table and chairs idea was going to ROCK!

“When I walked in here a little while ago, I asked Lester here if he was glad to see me. Well, he quips that it wasn’t a banana in his pocket……Well, ….. now that I have my derringer pointed at his nether region the “not-a-banana” seems to have disappeared. Have you got any wise-ass comments you want to make? Do ya?"

Does he really think I can’t smell that?

All in all, Sarah, your inheritance is one bounced check.

Why you should hire an accountant to do your taxes.

The original Snidely Whiplash

The IRS just made a surprise visit to the Duranty’s!

Yes, honey, I know you like being spanked but my hand hurts already from all this paperwork.

He’s an H & R Block franchisee/

But her records are something to see../

She has kept her receipts/

Where her elephant sleeps/

And they’re all steeped in pachyderm pee..

“All right, you can have the remote already. I don’t know why it means so much to you, though, since the television won’t be invented until who knows when.”

Him: “I could of swore I had a joint around here, somewhere.”

Her: “Too late.”

George, I know your busy but you promised me $25 for my time?

Her bustle is all outta hustle!

Long before phone/cameras made it easy to snap bad, boring, throw-away photos, Degas excelled in painting them.

The accountant shared news that is grim/but still worse for her than for him/For he now must disclose/the taxes he owes/Looks like what she’ll inherit is slim.

The statistics: distressing indeed/A quick influx of cash stops the bleed/His horse paintings might sell,/but the prices just fell/Yet just one lucky break’s what he needs.

So back out to the racetrack again!not to paint, but to wager and win/She’ll await his return/with money to burn/If he loses, the outlook is dim.

For artistry’s subject to style/You’ll be in, then be out a long while/First you’re up on the wall,/Then van Gogh comes to call/And your work hits the discard pile.

And someday, long after you’ve passed/Rediscovery! this guy’s a gas!/From the attic they bring/Every last little thing/Someone else is now making big bread.

“Baby does me bending over the chair like this give you any ideas?? Can you PLEASE get your mind off our finances?”

Boss? I’m pregnant.

Lean in.

He liketh big butts, it’s no lie

Other men also could not deny

When a lass with small waist

Puts that thing in your face

You’ll feel tightness somewhere near your fly

Hoping to impress her boss, Mr. Hamilton, sylvia used gravity to make her bosom look bigger. being married he didn’t notice, his husband would have been mad.

He’ll think the dog did it. Wink* Wink*

If you’re trying to show cleavage, you’ve got to unbutton your blouse first…

Emma, I know I’ve called you my muse. But I don’t find these bills from the dressmaker the least bit amusing.

/// First, her doctor ruled out scoliosis.

He sulked, struggling to make diagnosis.

Later, under hypnosis,

she revealed her neurosis:

She bends down close to sniff halitosis.

Your mother kept telling you to stand up straight … it’s good for your posture. But did you ever listen?

/// From the moment she walked through his door

some great force pulled her down toward the floor.

“Miss, your tax. It’s a lot.

I’m afraid you do not

grasp the gravity of what’s in store!”

When there isn’t enough room to read over the shoulder.

/// Hortense leaned over close to confide

that she knew how his rich wife had died.

Although, if he complied

and agreed to provide

enough cash, he would never be tried.