That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for October 21, 2024

/// Henrik Fleming, the seagoing Swede,

was an Admiral— well-known indeed.

He would sail into battle

with his large silver rattle,

and by rattling foes, he’d succeed.

Henric was about to throw down the gauntlet and prepare for a mariachi band showdown.

Must have been something I ate that gives me these awful plot lines.

Billy Gibbons’ ancestor?

The artist had to work fast /

To avoid the withering blast !/

The old style grenade/

has a fuse that’s delayed -/

but the model’s in a full-body cast.

The artist had been reassured/

That his sitter was “combat-inured”/

And was fully aware/

Of what he had there:/

A grenade in the shape of a gourd.

His face-locks deserve an award or prize… or both.

That’s actually someone else’s right arm reaching into the portrait. That person intends to reach into Henrik’s pocket, for a quick game of pocket pool (how quick depends on Henrik).

They said that black makes you look thinner, so he had the artist paint him in a lightless void.

Sven, having lost a button on his jacket and finding himself unable to procure a bobby pin on such short notice before the arrival of the artist, decided to chain his tunic shut.

Sir Chadwick was so shocked about his pigeon tweet going viral across Europe he dropped his man-bun twirler.

I’m going to Comic-con as Worf, son of Mogh. Cool,eh?

Hurry up and finish the painting, I really need to get to the toilet!

Just as the picture was going to be snapped some threw a baby rattle on his lap!!

OK, now model the king with the sword through his head.

Now I’ve got “Simple Simon” by 1910 Fruitgum Company as an ear worm.