Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for August 23, 1998

Transcript:

tom the dancing bug presents: news of the times science cannot explain everything spokesmen for science revealed results of focus groups and consumer research showing that science simply cannot explain everything. science has to own up to the fact that it has failed miserably to explain many things. the results were startling. we said, "whoa. we'd better step back here!" the research showed that despite science's grandiose efforts to answer the most basic questions, consumers just aren't buying it. how can the universe be infinite? but if it ends, what ends it-- a brick wall? but then what's behind the wall? it makes no sense! i went hiking last weekend, and the scenery was so beautiful -- and science says that all happened by accident? no way! like, everything is supposed to be evolved from microscopic amoebas...come on! what about whales?! science has announced its intention to sharply scale back its ambitions to be more in line with consumer desires. science should stick to stuff it's good at -- like digital tv. and robots! where are the freakin' robots already?! what science now admits it can and cannot explain why litmus paper turns blue when you spit on it. ben nelson's feeling of love for his cocker spaniel joker ufos why miriam fedder *felt like something was going to happen* just before her drainpipe fell the parts of the earth like the crust and the mantle and such how everything got here that other dimension where it's just like here, but everyone's evil and has mustaches good jazz the periodic tabel why men and women are so different -- for example, men won't stop and ask for directions! those easter island faces electricity how come peter drouet lost four blackjack hands in a row, just when he decided to increase his bet to $20 angels if a helicopter goes straight up then down, why it doesn't land where the earth used to be when it took off