Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for October 11, 1998

Transcript:

news of the times special economic report a hard look at the asian financial crisis foreigners aren't like regular people, most don't have that get-up-and-go spirit like us americans, while the rest have too much, and they're like worker bees, toiling away with hard to have economies like ours, but these shortcomings have led to the crisis that too few americans understand. here's an in-depth, crisis-by-crisis look at the asian economy. russia: too many years of communism have left the people in a vodka-fueled stupor of bitterness antithetical to good capitalism. the salespeople are rude at kinko's and no one will look at you at the gap. japan: they're a very proud people, so they can't just say, 'we're in a recession -- we're incredible morons' like americans can. they have to 'save face' all the time! korea: this is where 'M*A*S*H* was shot! did you see the one where colonel potter held a m*a*s*h* olympics?! that was a good one. south vietnam: to make up for getting us into that war, they're working hard in the u.s.- owned factories and drinking lots of coke. on the right track! indonesia island: instability here threatens our supply of those little cobs of corn you see in some salad bars. china: almost ten billion hard-working people live in this country that size of texas, but it's still communist,s o everyone works either on massive irrigation projects of duplicating u.s. - made videos. india: aside from nuclear explosions, this is an extremely non-violent country -- they won't slaughter and eat cows. not much to fear here.