Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for November 29, 1998

Transcript:

news of the times special technology report y2k computer glitches yes, the year 2000 is going to be an awful one for computers! many of you have heard about the frightful consequences of computers failing to recognize the year '00' as 2000, but the computer problems presented by the year 2000 go well beyond that! the righteous ascent to the clouds of heaven can cause a brain-drain back on earth: get ready for a shortage of programmers and tech support. for example, did you know that there are very few java programmers among the wicked? your computer may not react well to tidal waves, earthquakes and torrents of frogs and toads. look up its specifications in the owner's manual. the four horsemen of the apocalypse can cause plenty of computer snafus--from downed powerlines to exploding hell-spawned fireballs. check the paper to see when they'll be nearby. a plague of locusts can wreak havoc on a computer's internal wiring. is your hard drive whirring and buzzing? one of the pesky critters got himself in there! if you get the error message 'cannot complete function', you may be getting interference from the war between the beast and the king of lambs. reboot and try again after a few tribulations. if you find a fiery lake of burning sulfur near your home, be careful: many computers cannot withstand temperatures exceeding 100F (operating) and 170F (storage).