Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for December 06, 1998

Transcript:

tom the dancing bug presents: news of the times ethical issue raised by man-cow organ slave the man-cow mass of misshapen protoplasm whose existence was spawned by nerres inc. scientists in order to harvest organ after organ from its hideous, stem-cloned, regenerating body has raised an ethical issue. a heart... a kidney... another kidney... things were going so well until an ethical issue suddenly surfaced. the moral dilemma was created when the organ-generating travesty of science used one of its crude mouth openings to request a firearm. automatic rifle with three-round burst trigger scientists were perplexed by the statement. we now realize that in creating this horrific mass of human-bovine flesh, we may have inadvertently raised an ethical issue. ethicists have debated the issue fervently. do we deny this thing its basic american right to bear arms? but is it an american? and is it competent to use such a weapon? we could devise a trigger its hoof-hand appendage could grasp. but just because you can devise a technology doesn't mean you should use it. it was finally decided a weapon could be offered for sale, since as a cloned organ slave and the lawful property of nerrex inc., the beast has no money. but another thorny ethical issue was quickly raised when the man-thing struggled to make another announcement. i... am ... gay. aw, great!