Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for September 12, 2014
September 11, 2014
September 18, 2014
Transcript:
Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling DISPATCH FROM THE FRONT LINES Dearest Helen - I hope you are well. Please know the memory of your sweet embrace sustains me through these battles. It all started well. As I was handed my rations, all was quiet. Too quiet. Sure enough, it happened. An egregious and unprovoked frontal assault on my sacred territorial integrity! I'd lost what was rightfully mine to a recline maneuver! The glorious four-inch wedge of airspace that had hovered before me, my own slice of heaven, WAS TAKEN! I thrashed against the abominable incursion with my knees. Sinew and ligament met hard, unyielding plastic. Airline rules permit this travesty against Nature, Man and God, but what care I? My property. My birthright. My destiny. With no forward momentum, I began to fear defeat. I girded myself for a last push to regain my territory. While I focused on the upcoming battle before me... ...an unspeakable lateral assault on my armrest shocked me, and my defenseless flank fell to enemy forces, leaving me utterly defeated and diminished! Tell little Earl I will be home soon, without our family honor. - Your loving husband NEXT Woman: Can I get through? Man: SOB My blessed plot...
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Two words: premium economy (or whatever the airline in question calls it). It’s not always available, but when it is, it’s fairly comfortable, and the price isn’t that much more than steerage. Also: some airlines (like Virgin) will let you fly first class eastbound and economy/premium economy westbound, which turns out to be a lot more affordable that first class both ways.
There are also ticketing web sites like routehappy.com and hipmunk.com that will actually rate available flights on their comfort and amenities. And you can find seat maps and reviews of different planes on Seat Guru.
That said, this is what happens when you deregulate and industry with heavy up-front costs and the inevitable oligopoly emerges from the dust.