Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for December 19, 2014

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling The Top Secret Files of Dick Cheney in Dimension Dronguu, By The Seventh Ring of Ringdorn... Man: Must tell...the master... PANT PANT Dick: What is it? Can't you see I'm FEEDING?! Man: Vice President! On the earthly plane, humans have issued a torture report! Man: Welcome back, O Dark One! Dick: Assuming my material form is so tiresome. Dick: Those fools! I had a legal memo saying this isn't severe enough to be torture! Prisoner: B-but many DIED during the "interrogations"! GLUB Dick: People die all the time! Could've been scarlet fever! Prisoner: Many subjected to your tactics were INNOCENT! You have no problem with that? Dick: NONE! How DARE you question our methods?! Our administration kept America SAFE! Prisoner: Not from 9/11. Dick: YOU IMPUDENT DOG!! NO ONE MAY EVER MENTION THAT!! Prisoner: URK Dick: Ah, went a bit far with that one. Yoo, write a memo saying it was legal. Man: Yes, your excellency! Dick: Now it was legal! Dick: And I'm ready. See you on "Meet The Press", Chuck. I trust you'll ask after my health. Chuck: Yes, Vice President. NEXT: CHENEY USES TIME AND DIMENSION SHIFTING TO SHOW HOW TORTURE YIELDED ACTIONABLE INTELLIGENCE THAT WAS GAINED BEFORE THE TORTURE TOOK PLACE!