Arlo and Janis by Jimmy Johnson for April 30, 2013
April 29, 2013
May 01, 2013
Transcript:
Janis: We used to go to movies! We don't even do that now! Arlo: We saw that Ben Affleck movie everyone was talking about! Janis: No, we didn't! Arlo: Sure we did! The janitor was a math genius! Janis: "Good Will Hunting"? Arlo: What was that English chick's name?
There have been, perhaps, ten movies worth seeing in the theater in the last ten years. As for the rest, get them on Blu-Ray or else wait for them on PPV for a third the cost and watch them in your own home theater for $5 with no cell phones, brats, rude talkers, stinky people and no heaven-knows-what stuck to your seat and shoes. My popcorn tastes better and is only about 0.05 a bag, a soda is about 0.23 and Raisinettes are 0.98 in the grocery store; compared to $12 for the ticket, $5 for the popcorn, $3 for a soda and $3 for the Raisinettes, with all the aggravation of a theater filled with human beings who were never spanked as children. Better yet, I can pause the PPV or DVD if I have to go to the bathroom from too much soda and sugar – and my bathroom is CLEAN, not something that looks and smells like a third world toxic waste site covered with graffiti extolling pederasty, bestiality and the charms and specialties of a lady named Honey Luvsit and a man named Big Ben.