Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for January 19, 2013

ewwwwwwwww

And they say it’s good to have a goal.

Best to find a Miracle Max…

Or vanishing cream. Or witch hazel (the magic maid). Or club foot, (on lohan’s gas pedal). Or glass jaw ( the Jewish shark). Just trying to keep the insanity going.

And his super hero name? The Marquis de Sade?

What a waste! At least scoop it into a different container so it can still be used.

Maybe the folks at Miracle Whip could use this idea as a marketing ploy.

Miracle Whip goes good on ham, you know………

OMG it’s been sitting there on the shelves this whole time.

I don’t care what it is, why go beyond salt and pepper? Spreads and sauces are fattening…OK, I’ll give you mooseturd and Catch Up, but that’s as far as I’m willing to go….

I think your Superhero idea is good, Pig, you just need to fine tune it. How about taking the name Razorback Lash, the Miracle Whip ?

Pig, you are priceless! “White goop” captures the essence of Miracle Whip precisely! Maybe your superpower is intuition!

Cartoon Boy deserves a good dressing down for this one……

Has he ever seen a salad dressing?

Well, it fit’s in with the hole Croc’s “The Fantastic Four” arc. They finally have their fourth member. It’s now Paper Jam Boy, Stapler Head, Doorstoppo, and the Whipper. Paper Jam Boy, aka a Bob, whose super power is to clear paper jams from printers and copiers but whose weakness is empty printer cratridges and trusting the Water Fowler. Stapler Head, aka a Fred, whose super power is to staple papers together so they stay in nice, neat, original order so they don’t blow away but whose weakness is the powerful staple remover. Doorstoppo, aka a Frank, whose supper power is to keep doors in old houses closed in the floor isn’t level but whose weakness is doors designed no to go to the floor (like those old time saloon doors). And now the Whipper, aka Pig, whose supper power involves a whip that can do anything. Except preform miracles or make sandwiches taste good.

If Rat was there, that dumb Pig would be wearing all of that white goop.

why do people put mayo on everything? just like those people who puts cheese on everything.

people still eat that stuff?? Ewwwww………

I’m rather fond of Miracle Whip and peanut butter, or MW and brunswager.

Lol… or put it in a jar labelled “White Paint”.

Excellent

1) Pig’s remark on “goop” is the most accurate comment he’s ever made!2) @F6F5Hellcat—“supper power”? Were you hungry when you wrote that?!?

As a kid, I had many a sandwich that consisted of gobs of Miracle Whip slathered between two slices of white bread. Probably a southern poor white trash thing.

DingDongs dipped in Miracle Whip was Sooo, well, miraculous.

Suddenly I have a craving for a BLT.

Pig needs to find a certified Vocational Balrog School. His skill set is currently too weak to seriously consider participating in the intensely competitive demon market.

Well that’s Pig for you… He’ll soon snap out of it in about a week.

xxx

I love the vanilla pudding in the mayo jar idea. I’ve gotta try that.

I did thoroughly wash out a brand new (empty) spray bottle used for window cleaner one time. And filled it with blue Gatorade. It was hilarious to watch people’s reactions. Works even better if you don’t do it on april fools day. People expect it to be a joke on april fools day.

Keep looking,pig!!!!!

If I saw you eating what I thought was mayonnaise straight out of the jar, I’d shoot you to put you out of your misery. Mayo and Miracle Whip are of the devil.

If you want to be a superhero right away, Pig, you should try some Reddi-Wip.

I agree!!! That sandwich makes all the cleaning, shopping, and cooking worth it! I found mustard absolutely repulsive as a child, can tolerate it now, but it is indispensable here.

Shared that joke with my naturally blonde sister—LOL.

Never could stand Miracle Whip. Prefer mustard, Hellmann’s, or homemade mayo.

It’s good for you.

Blonde moment! Pig should meet up with Hammhock from Ink Pen…That I’d like to see!

I can hear Devo inside my head right now.Whip it good.

I’ve often thought that “Miracle Whip” sounds like a superhero’s implement. Like something Jack Kirby would think of…

Did NOT expect that…

Ummm…