Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for February 17, 2013

You are a fluke of the universe.You have no right to be here.And whether you can hear it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back.

Children’s books, motivational posters, greeting cards. Rat should leave them all alone.

Well, at least Rat has the remedy right. It’s even pretty good when none of that stuff happens.

I must say, contrary to the rah-rah posters, Rat’s conclusion is most likely correct. On the other hand, I’m sorry to see that Rat’s bad habits are turning Pig into an alcoholic, beer-swizzling lush.

I dunno… Rat just might be the next Jack Handey.

E.g….“What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk?”Jack Handey

I’d like to know what Pig’s cartoon swearing translates to. He just doesn’t seem the type to say something that needs to be rendered as “@#★#”.

I think “Larry” Croc uses “Rat’s” posters, well at least the beer drinking part.

“The boy stood on the burning deckWhence all had fled save he…

Stupid Git!"

You must have missed the strip where Pig said “#$@&!* you, British Petroleum!”.

Rat needs to go back to writing Angry Bob stories.

Words to live by

In cervisia veritas!

or, pray.

Pig has cursed!? That is what, the 3rd time in the strip? He cursed after the BP oil spill “@#$% you, British Petroleum” and he sorta cursed relaying Hosanna’s message to Rat “Hosanna says get your own bleeping leftovers”(2/14/2011) that I can think of, reply if there’s something I forgot

“Fate just took a dump in my lap”-Anon.

Hahahahaha! Very funny.

A typical Rat answer.

I love the colours.

xxx

Or, Rat could just get a job here: http://www.demotivationalposters.org/

Hire people with hooks.

Difficult Times

When the going gets tough…

…Kick Rat in thwe oompa loompas

And the chips are down…

…Punch Rat in the nose

And the breaks aren’t going your way…

…Make sure their in one of Rat’s limbs

And everyone is telling you you can’t…

…Ask them why you should stop abusing Rat.

I am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul…Henley

The one constant in all of your failures is you.

I’m pretty sure that they established that “#$@&!*" means “love”. — So, Pig is so Loving motivated!

Today’s strip seems taken from Brian O’Nolan’s (aka Flann O’Brien) poem “The Workman’s Friend” in his novel “At Swim Two Birds”.

In case this is news to you, a pint of plain is Irish for a pint of plain porter, usually referring to Guiness Stout (a stout porter, not plain porter but the most drunk porter in Ireland).

See here for a reading by The Dubliners: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwLB2Vei6tE

The Workman’s FriendWhen things go wrong and will not come right,Though you do the best you can,When life looks black as the hour of night -A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.When money’s tight and hard to getAnd your horse has also ran,When all you have is a heap of debt -A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.When health is bad and your heart feels strange,And your face is pale and wan,When doctors say you need a change,A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.When food is scarce and your larder bareAnd no rashers grease your pan,When hunger grows as your meals are rare -A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.In time of trouble and lousy strife,You have still got a darlint planYou still can turn to a brighter life -A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.

— Flann O’Brien

They said that it couldn’t be doneBut I grinned and went right to itI tackled that thing that couldn’t be doneAnd by George, I couldn’t do it!

PIG SWORE!!!!!!!!! Hasn’t that only happened like twice?Including this time?

Good Advice Rat!

This is one of my favorites of all time now. And i love the responses it generated.

Pig is so $%*# motivated.

did pig seriously swear

in the entire 20 year span of pearls, pig has only sweared like 5 times

Da peeg go bleeep!

Story of my life

I laughed so hard at that! What is wrong with me?!?