Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for April 19, 2013

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling THE GREAT PHOTOSHOP WAR OF 2013 NORTH KOREA vs. U.S.A. The U.S. intelligence community was shocked to find that this photo, released by North Korea, displays hovercrafts that have been cut and pasted using the computer program Photoshop. Alarmed that North Korea has attained militarized Photoshop technology, the U.S. military responded by creating this dazzling image of laser beams fired from a U.S. warship at the pixelated hovercrafts. North Korea was ready. They countered with this horrifying image of Dennis Rodman riding a nuclear warhead across the Pacific. The U.S. was again (see Great Photoshop War of 2008 with Iran) forced to pull out all the stops in its digital arsenal, showcasing a fearsome display of weaponized Photoshop images. Far from discouraging the North Koreans, this caused an escalation in graphic hostilities, as the Koreans released this monstrous image of its army marching through the streets of Austin, Texas. U.S. victory was finally attained when an elite squad of the meanest ninth-grade girls was recruited, and created this photobomb, which so mortified North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un, he disappeared into his palace, deleted his Facebook account, and refused to answer any texts from his military officials. KIM DONG-UN'S MISSILE IS VERY SHORT-RANGE.