Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for November 13, 2015

When baggy sweat shirt and pants are good fashion.

Need. Brain. Bleach. Stat!

anyone got eye bleach after seeing Stephan like that?

Oh, come on, guys — we’ve already seen Stephan naked. This is a step up from that!

Is Steph making a question or a statement?

Put on jeans and a t-shirt, Cartoon Boy! When I did ride my bike all the time I’d never have been caught dead wearing spandex.

Stephan becoming a sports cyclist? Isn’t that like joining the enemy for him?

“Are you cycling with child?”No Rat. If Cartoon Boy was with child he would be off his cycle.

Oh,Pig! Oh, Staci! Oh, Rat!Portly Cartoon Boy needs to hit the gym, preferably while wearing a mask in addition to That Hideous Outfit.

Yes Rat you are correct Stephan is cycling with child and the child’s first name is “Six-Pack” and the last name is “Beer”……Rat nice to see you out of that suit and tie !

Well, Stephan, I see you’re nuts.

That’s why I wear cut-off sweat pants and tie-dye t-shirts when I ride. To paraphrase Micky Lolich, I don’t pedal with my stomach.

after fighting cancer [at 60 yrs.] i told my doctor i had just bought a used bicycle and was going to get in “shape”.She said “I hope you use your helmet?” i replied "I never used a helmet when i started at four yrs old. so far i haven’t crashed.’

I wear regular clothes and if chilly, I wear a jacket. I would look the Steve or worse.

In real life, the closest Steph got to “bicycle” was the playing cards! Even then, he wasn’t playing with a full deck!

Look at the bright side, at least it’s not fat, hairy guy wearing a thong.

Poor Pig!

I ride on trails (wearing sweats and t-shirts mostly) but I have seen people like that in their painted on spandex. It kinda upsets the natural beauty of the trails!

I must go stare at the sun now.

On a related note, I’d like to thank the person that invented yoga pants. Leaves very little to the imagination ladies. Oh, and ladies, a friendly word of advice, if your body shape makes it difficult or impossible for you to do yoga, then yoga pants are not for you.

Pastis, you’re a beast!

trying to put a 10 pound flour into a 5 pound bag. the human sausage.

I’ve had two significant crashes and one minor spill where I fell badly and bonked my helmet a bit. Helmets are a good idea. As for the spandex, I used to mock it too, gym shorts and a t-shirt were good enough for me, but as I pushed my typical day off ride to 40-50 miles, occasional chafing and other issues from sitting on a bike seat for hours became enough of a problem that I decided to try a pair of biking shorts. Yeah, they still look silly and I refuse to get the shirt, but they are much more comfortable. The reason they are tight spandex is less because of wind resistance and more so they don’t rub (can’t rub if it’s too tight to slide).

I feel like Rat and Pig’s lines at the end should have been swapped.

Anybody remember Doonesbury and the rants against lime-green stretch pants?

thank you for the biggest laugh of my day. it brought back the memories of the fat hairy guy in the thong that looked like a white hairy beach ball complete with broom sticks for legs. and then the lady in the bikini that i swear was as high laying down as she was standing up – and i am NOT exaggerating, plus she was glistening white and wearing a black bikini. after those two sights (and a desire for brain bleach) i can take a spandex covered bloated pastis. just feeling sorry for pig.

In the immortal words of Craig Enslin, “Spandex is a privilege, not a right”

if stephan were with child, he’d be famous and could quit his day job if he wanted to

Of course you did.

(reader sees Pastis in spandex, reaches for nearby fork)

GAHHH!! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!!

If only there was an “Undo” button for our eyes!

That would be cool.

xxx

Does Steph realize he’s wearing Stac-ex?

I once went to a Golden Corral, and there were quite a few “pregnant men” in there. Does Stephan go to buffet restaurants?

Spoken like a true couch potato.

Is Jef the Cyclist channeling his inner “Flash?”(points to lightning bolt)

Is Jef the Cyclist channeling his inner “Flash?”(points to lightning bolt)

The spandex is for the padding in the tush and the tightening around the muscles that a lot of other athlete’s are wearing now . this is not for vanity.

I guess that everyone else was so overcome by Stephan’s outfit that nobody noticed he has given up smoking!

.

I guess he is getting super-health conscious these days.

I’ll add on to the Brain Bleach comments. Wow, Steph. Just wow.

Hey! I resemble that!

It’s so your pants don’t get caught in the chain. It’s because jeans don’t have butt padding. It’s so you don’t get jean seam blisters in your nether regions.

Please no.

He looks like a giant eggplant! I mean an actual eggplant, you dirty-minded twits!