Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for December 11, 2018

Do alligators pop out of those holes?

Everything south of the panhandle is Cleveland.

The real punishment is that since Hell has frozen over, they have to do all those things they promised they would do when it happened.

The catch is he gives them a fish, but never teaches them how to fish.

Was the empty stool previously occupied by someone who got pulled down the hole?

To make things even worse, I’ll bet there’s no bait in those buckets, and they’re fishing with just a hook.

How many needed the concept explained to them?

Mar-a-Lago revisited.

Actually you have it the wrong way round. It’s us in the cold countries that think of Hell (or Hel) to be ice cold. Since we think of being cold is the thing to avoid. Funny though!

After our horrid, hot summers that ice cold weather is our idea of heaven on earth.

Most of those who wear the funny shirts and the shorts are transplants from the North: New Yorkers, Jerseyites, Quebecois, Ontarians, etc. They would be the ones wearing the funny shirts and the shorts on the rare days when the temperature dips below 50 F while the locals break out the heavy winter parkas and gloves and scarfs. My brother in Miami just sent me a pic of him in his funny shirt and shorts walking his dog, and one of his neighbors in an anorak, gloves, and scarf with his/her dog (you can’t tell the neighbor’s gender, he/she’s so bundled up) and the dog is looking thoroughly disgusted as it’s wearing one of those dog hoody things and a doggy sweater. The temp at the time he took the pic was 48 F, a.k.a. unseasonably warm for Ontario…

ALL Floridians, or just the ones responsible for counting votes?

The special place for Texans: Lilliput

Could be worse. They’ve got stools and don’t have to use an overturned bucket.

Huh. So a snowball has a chance in hell after all. Maybe I’ll buy a lottery ticket tonight.

They have to use hanging chads for bait.

Are they safe, sitting around on a Whack-A-Mole table?

In that same environment, a person from Boston would be saying, “I’m runnin’ down to ‘Dunks’ for some iced coffee, hey. You guys want anything?”

Ice fishing is about the only thing I can think of that’s more boring and tedious than fishing in warm weather. Wait, I just thought of something, watching a fishing tournament on television. That ranks right up there with watching golf and watching my grass (I mean the lawn) grow.

You’re all just jealous and so is the devil

Be nice, soon they’ll be spearfishing in their living rooms.

Would you rather spend eternity ice fishing or counting hanging chads?

But does that open space have Twitter access?

I grew up in Wisconsin. When it is in the 40s in Central FL (like this AM) I bundle up.

Or, they could all be sitting in a voting booth.

Bunch of iceholes.

Happens every winter in Hell, Michigan.

I thought Florida was “God’s waiting room”. Although I’ve always thought of Florida as a little bit of hell.

When Florida freezes over…..

I went Ice fishing once in a hut on a river in Maine. More like snipe fishing.

Apparently, if what I see here is correct? Cleveland will win the World Series.

Being a native of the Deep South (but not from Florida), I have to wonder how many native Floridians there really are. In my own state, the one I was born in, we natives are an endangered species. My father used to remark (in another day and age) that there were three types of Yankees; Yankees, damn Yankees, and g*****n Yankees. A Yankee was merely someone born north of the Mason-Dixon line. A damn Yankee was someone born north of the Mason-Dixon line but moved south of said line. A g*****n Yankee was someone born north of the Mason-Dixon line but moved south of said line and now won’t shut up about how much better it was back where they came from.

True tidbit: Many northerners look towards Florida for retirement, but soon discover that the southern cities of the state are expensive. However, the cities in northern Florida are much more reasonable (relatively speaking.) Florida’s Florida, right? So, they move to the areas around Jacksonville, Pensacola, etc. Then they discover that northern Florida has all four seasons; it can get quite nippy in the norther sections during winter. Not like New York, Michigan, or other northern states, admittedly, but it does get close to or below freezing fairly often; they’ll still need their winter gear on occasion to walk along the beach.

Its called North Dakota

Real Floridians or the displaced New Yorkers who make up 75% of the Florida population?

After so many screwed up elections, they deserve that, and worse.

In Dante’s classic Inferno, the very lowest (9th) level was reserved for humanity’s greatest traitors, arranged in 4 progressively smaller rings. One ring out from the very center, “all of the sinners are fully encapsulated in ice, distorted and twisted in every conceivable position. The sinners present an image of utter immobility: it is impossible to talk with any of them, so Dante and Virgil quickly move on to the centre of Hell.”

There they find Satan, likewise imprisoned in ice, depicted as having 3 faces, each with “a mouth that chews eternally on a prominent traitor. Marcus Junius Brutus and Gaius Cassius Longinus dangle with their feet in the left and right mouths, respectively, for their involvement in the assassination of Julius Caesar…. In the central, most vicious mouth is Judas Iscariot, the apostle who betrayed Christ. Judas is receiving the most horrifying torture of the three traitors: his head is gnawed inside Lucifer’s mouth while his back is forever flayed and shredded by Lucifer’s claws.”

So Floridians aren’t the only people who think of Hell as being really, really cold. Apparently medieval Italians did, too.

“Amazingly they have the very same room upstairs….”

It must really suck for those of them that are snow birds.

Unless they are snowbirds from Vermont. The they’re Ice Fishers in Paradise!

You forgot mosquitoes!

And the weasels who screw up the voting year after year also get a night time visit from Lorena Bobbit.

I thought the “special place for Floridians” was the voting booth.