Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for August 16, 2019

pig, get a dictionary

Be careful, Pig. She might think you are calling her pretty fat.

Talk about a SCREAMING note.

I think Pigita might appreciate these big words.

Well, it is better than highlighting the words “you break wind” in a note to Pigita.

Most of my female friends prefer that I use shorter words. Or at least that’s the impression I get from the fact that they never seem to remember what I’ve been talking about.

I once tried that with a woman who liked me. She never understood what I said, but it turned out that it was because she had dropped out of school. Never bothered with her again.

Rat should know better than this.

Pig, look for a book of poems and find a beautiful one and dedicate it to Pigita and gift her a flower with it. At least you won’t make her angry.

Pig: PSST- Take the song “Maria” from West Side Story and substitute Pigita! She will swoon! (If you can make the notes).

Rat, surely you knew from the outset… that was a pretty tall order.

It’s spelt p-e-t-t-y.

Dear Pig. You are TASTY.

Pig seems to be thinking like the president. This could be a bad sign….

Don’t even try Pig ! Pigita will break your heart again ;-( … Croc Power !

“The place where I come from is a small town

They think so small

They use small words

But not me

I’m smarter than that

I worked it out

I’ve been stretching my mouth

To let those big words come right out"

At least he’s sending her letters and not texts.

♪ Brush up your Shakespeare

And the women you will wow ♫

If PIG thinks Pigta will fall for this he’s got another thought coming….

Pace Rat, I don’t think ‘pulchritudinous’ would be very effective either.

You want big words? Try telling her she’s pulchritudinous.

So Pig needs to learn to be more sesquipedalian.

Looks like Pig did not learn his lesson from the other love letter in which the larger words were: “YOU BREAK WIND.”

Change it to “Purty”

Interestingly, I remember a society (I forget which) in which referring to someone’s beauty was considered an insult— putting their physical appearance ahead of their worth as a human. I have often thought about that. Telling someone they are beautiful… is that really a compliment, or a shallow observation? Good question, good question…

Trust me, Pig. A real, handwritten love note. She’ll love it.

Big women deserve big words.

‘Still don’t understand why his ears face the direction of his eyes.

I dunno; big letters will certainly get her attention.

Harumph! “Dear Pigita, / You are not pretty!”

It’s true, it’s true!

And I didn’t have to use any BIG words, either: very economical and word-efficient….

Everyone likes to hear that she is pretty in the eyes of her beloved.

More like.. Dear Pigita, You are a violent sociopath. All that needs to happen if for her to misunderstand something he says and she hits him.

Dear Pigita, [return] you are PRETTY. [return] Love, Pig