Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for September 24, 2019

Isn’t that what Yelp is for?

I think the perfect hamburger includes a bit of pork. Will you give to the cause, Pig?

Google “Five Guys”. Problem solved.

Never give up until you find a delicious Pig.

I’ve had the perfect hamburger (which is 20% pork, by the way). So now what should I do?

Gotta have bacon on it!

Since pork makes my throat close, guess I’ll never have a perfect hamburger.

In 1955 Tobias Schneebaum lived with and studied cannibal tribes. He was interviewed on The Mike Douglas Show and was asked by another guest, " what does human meat taste like?" He said a bit like pork. I’ve often thought that might be the reason for the ban on pork in many religions….

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/492903.Keep_the_River_on_Your_Right

But once you find the perfect hamburger, then you can give up, right?

Get a stove with a broiler. Put a little oil in a heavy pan, then cover the bottom with chopped onions. You can also add green pepper and/or mushrooms. Put in your patties and sprinke them with garlic powder. Cook under flames until the tops look well done. The rest of the burger will be nice and pink and the juices will have flavored the onions. Serve on a toasted hard roll.

Took me 5 years to make the perfect deli pickle to go along with the perfect burger. It was worth the effort.

Just remember where it was when you find it.

Baby steps Pig. One issue a day. Do you want Fries with that burger ? ….. Croc Power !

Jimmy Buffett said it best: "Cheeseburger in paradise – Medium rare with mustard’d be nice – Heaven on Earth with an onion slice – I’m just a cheeseburger in paradise -

I like mine with lettuce and tomato – Heinz 57 and French fried potatoes – Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer – Well, good God almighty, which way do I steer…"

The burgers I’ve enjoyed the most are from Peggy Dempsey’s, a local in the Maspeth neighborhood in New York City!

What about finding the perfect cheese?

Burger Study in Indianapolis. PRIME DEGREE St. Elmo Steak House dry-aged beef topped with applewood smoked bacon, black pepper BellaVitano cheese, lettuce, tomato, and black pepper aioli.

Pig, if you want to find the perfect burger, go to Parkway Deli. Just don’t order a bacon cheeseburger.

NONE BETTER then the ones you make yourself.

there it is again… smudged pig

Gasp! I just ate a PULLED PORK sandwich……sorry PIG!

We don’t have hamburgers where I live (India), so am trying to imagine what all the vivid descriptions are all about! We do have burgers made with chicken, lamb and (ugh) veg. burgers, too.

The burger at the Eclipse Brewery is close enough to perfect. More than enough for my wife and I. Excellent brews as well, their porter is fantastic.

Ground chuck – from a BUTCHER, not a chain store – a dash of garlic salt, charcoal grill, warm bun, thick slice of homegrown tomato.

Alternatively, the mushroom swiss burger from Hardees.

I think Valvano would approve.

never, never, never give up. – Winston Churchill

That’s an Impossible task.

Best burgers I ever had were Onion Busters from Chandlers Brew Pub in Port Dalhousie (pronounced Port Duhloozie in St. Catharines). One of my college teachers was part owner. That was back in the 1980s; they went bankrupt within a year.

Second best was on a beach in Barbados.

I like Halo Burger,in Flint.Their motto is,going without a Halo Burger for seven days,makes one week ;)

The quest for the perfect burger is an admirable one. It goes well with the quest for the perfect bloody mary or a perfect margarita. The end result is subjective, but the testing and tasting are well worth the effort.

Two words Jimmy Buffett

Phew! I thought we were about to be Rick rolled!

Only for Hamburgers? Then how about all those people who don’t live in Hamburg, Germany? :D

Hot Rod’s 50s Diner in Alcoa, TN. Their burgers are amazing and they have over 80 kinds. My favorite is the moonshine burger with ribbon fries. Yum. I’m getting hungry just thinking about it!

Coincidentally, our Chicagoland newspaper just ran a feature on “the 20 Best Hamburgers in the Suburbs,” and behold, one of them is actually not far from where I am! Maybe I’ll give it a shot!

Don’t give up, Pig! We want you fat and sleek when, you know… bacon!

However, that’s also the definition of insanity.