Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for October 15, 2019

Rat could be absolutely right. They’ve already made genetically modified goats, pigs, and rodents.

Facilitate our march to mass detention centers?

But don’t we already go there from nine to five?

Of course he’s paranoid. So am I. When you realise they are out to get us, paranoia is the wise option.

GMOs aren’t scary enough, we have to fear GMSAs too? Oh the horror!

Rat cut off Goat, before Goat could finish his sentence…

The diner’s coffee maker (Al) broke his finger while to pushing the brew button. They called in for assistance from Cat and Rabbit over at Cat’s Cafe.

Backed up by Poncho @ Pooch Cafe!

Just slightly, huh?

Make my coffee at home …. Why wait for coffee ?

Well General Ursus is a nasty one, but Dr. Zira and Cornelius are benevolent.

Rat is a perfectionist as a conspiracy theorist.

Rat’s comment in panel #2 reflects actual history. Up until the arrival of tea and especially coffee, the only relatively safe things to drink in Europe were beer and wine. Consequently, the population was perpetually half in the bag and unable to really get it together. The arrival and spread of coffee houses in 16th & 17th Century Europe was regarded with suspicion and even horror by the ruling classes because the result was that the people were starting to think much more clearly. No joke. The rest, as they say, was history…

The fact that you’re paranoid does not mean they’re not out to get you.

Of course he is paranoid, he is in withdrawal.

Too much Alex Jones.

Then how does that explain the talking rat, pig, goat, zebra, crocodile, and duck?

The alt-Rat is predictable, if nothing else.

Somebody needs their coffee…or maybe rehab.

Rat is awaiting his confirmation as the new ambassador to the Ukraine.

“Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.”

They heard you too Rat.

Don’t mess with our coffee! That’s why we have a well regulated Militia. Guns ‘N Dunkin’

As Satchel Paige once said, “Never look back. They might be gainin’ on you!”

I knew that!

Rat… calm down…. get a coffee or something.

I’d have responded “Yep”, just to watch his brain explode.

I know what he’s saying but I still miss Zebra and the crocs.

Looks like Rat might need more coffee to settle himself.

Rat’s right in a way. It was coffee that fuelled the French Revolution. The British had tea, so no revolution. The Colonies didn’t revolt until they moved away from tea and over to coffee.

Just when and WHO will save AMERICA?

Slightly?

I rarely ever agree with Rat fully but, I am now.

It was my understanding that the Pilgrims only landed at Plymouth Rock because they’d run out of shipboard beer, for their alternative was sea-water and we all know the consequence of THAT ! By then, even THEY’D learned not to drink the water downstream from the herd.

Rat says what is on everybody’s mind

Actually, it was Starbucks that sabotaged the coffee maker

Why are Pig and Goat still at the diner?

I’ve heard worse conspiracy theories than that. And some people will believe worse and worse ones every day.

What a cruel fate it is that forces you to choose a less disgusting beverage!

Their plan is flawed. I can’t move without caffeine.

Actually, Rat greatly simplified the horrible, horrible truth.

“I’m only paranoid because everbody’s against me.” – Frank Burns

So, Rat’s gone ’round the bend!

Or has he? What if he’s right? It’s not paranoia if the feds really are on your case….