Off the Mark by Mark Parisi for June 16, 2020

Read Off the Mark without leaving remark.

Used manual stick shift without reading manual first.

Unironically referred to PIN numbers or ATM machines.

From what we’re witnessing around the world, your police will summarily execute you for these, and even lesser, offenses. But only if you’re a POC.

Likes pineapple on pizza.

Threatened with food police several times, in Kosher delis, for ordering corned beef on whole wheat bread with ketchup, no mustard.

Can’t eat a hot dog without lots of ketchup, either…. and again, no mustard.

In my defense…. at least I don’t put it on my eggs.

Don’t laugh. It’s coming. PETA is working overtime to try to prohibit the consumption of animals.

Told me “you can’t eat that with that”.

Sent a handwritten letter when the recipient has both e-mail and Skype.

I confess to being a cereal offender (eating cheerios for dinner)…

But….aren’t we ALL on SOME kind of diet? I’m on the diet where I can eat and drink whatever I want in moderation. And I WANT to drink diet soda. It tastes better to me.

Forgot putting ketchup on hotdogs!

Police blotters are full of ridiculous calls….I wonder how some people get through life….

Opening the illegal end of a milk carton.

Drank chardonnay with filet mignon : > (

Putting ketchup or mayonnaise on a cheese steak

Going the wrong way down the grocery aisle that was designated in one direction.

Ordered a diet coke with a fancy pastry.

Forgot shit on a shingle.

No fooling, I am currently eating a sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit for lunch, and drinking a Diet Coke. I’m doomed!

Ripped tag off mattress. Recorded sporting event on TV without the express written consent of MLB/NBA/NFL/NCAA.

Does putting steak sauce on meat loaf or a burger qualify as a misdemeanor?

Well at least they’re targeting white people for something for a change.

You just shouldn’t do some things in public.

Guilty on all counts!!!!

I like mine with lettuce and tomatoHeinz 57 and french-fried potatoes, Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer well good God almighty which way do I steer?……. Sorry, wrong food.

Working from home does make people lose a little sense of what is right!

Self employed working at home, and I lied to myself about what I was doing.

First panel, they don’t serve breakfast after 11AM. Didn’t you watch Falling Down?