Close to Home by John McPherson for July 04, 2020

He had finally run out of “great” tuba tunes and was now down to “very mediocre”

He’s probably playing “Flight of the Bumblebee”.

Is it enough to drive her back into the arms of the bagpipe player?

Reads like a Far Side joke. Only 1 page in the songbook.

Wait, you should hear his accordion solo on this song.

You know what they say about tuba players….

Is that Tubby the tuba player? Every high school band needs one!

Well, seems that Bleeb likes it…

Given the pants, she should have had an inkling.

Suddenly Vera wanted to play doctor. Her procedure of choice – tubal ligation

I hope he knows “Ex’s and O’s”!

Vera wanted to get to the “motor boating” part of the date.

He should go back to following fat people…

And she had her shoes off and feet up on the couch, too. The man’s an idiot.

WHEN will Vera learn that blind dates are much worse than deaf dates???

I’ll bet his blind date wishes she were the deaf date (temporarily, of course)…

He’s a real blow hard.

As our story unfolds, Vera tried torridly to “Tango” while her tacky tunic’d tactile Tuba tunesmith turned tercet taciturn tablature into a terrible tachyarrhythmia. “It’s my own fault, she lamented; “the orange-plaid pants and bow tie should have been my first clue!”

But his parents have a lot of money.

That’s a Sousaphone… Marching version of a tuba.

Problem solved. I think she is going to throw her purse at him.

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE (and take Bleeb with you). Happy Independence Day to my fellow Americans and may God bless us.

She misunderstood when he said that he was horny.

She sure can pick ‘em. Oh wait, that’s banjo players.

Run. Now.

Looks like there’ll be no rock and roll for this dude tonight

Let’s not assume it’s always the man. Maybe Vera has done something horrible before this that the man decided to go with his plan B to get rid of her peacefully.