Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for July 09, 2020

Hoping I’ll wake up with my sense of taste and smell.

Pig’s vocabulary must be improving; I’d have expected him to answer Goat’s question by saying, “Sweaty.”

don’t we all aspire to be alive next week and the week after and the week after that, etc., etc., etc.

Me too! Yes, it’s a messy world but there are no guarantees of reincarnation so I want to enjoy as much as I can.

Pig’s aiming pretty low. I’m aiming to be alive and reasonable happy too.

But think of all the happiness you could bring to the world …

… as part of BLTs (just kidding)

It’s a good start.

I’d like to be out of the state with the highest covid-19 growth rate.

The best part of waking up, is waking up…

Pig sets good baseline goals.

He’s trying to avoid going into the family business: ham, bacon, hot dogs, pork belly, jerky, pigs ear chew.

The family members who entered the business were never the same afterwards.

That’s our base line, Pig. Should that event occur, what else would you enjoy?

it’s an ambitious goal…

As long as folks love pork and bacon, that’s a difficult goal, Pig.

Its getting to where simply seeing the Covid-19 numbers drop in my home state is becoming a pipe dream until everyone gets on the same page which is unlikely to happen given who is calling the shots on the state and local level.. I hear the same sentiments from those in TX, CA and AZ along with a lot of other places which are flying under the media radar.

“Good news, Pig! Your request for a reservation @ Smithfield Pork Resort just arrived!”

What would Larry Croc say to that question ? … Croc Power !

That’s not “more flexible.” That’s “more focused.”

Great goals, Pig.

Live to pig another day.

Haven’t they gotten more and more flexible every time you write them, Pig?

We aspire to being here next week, PIG! some won’t, however, because they are belligerent about masks….can’t fix stupid…

Alive so far. Figure to be the same next week, but you never know.

I had covid 19 in March. I still do not feel right. Please use intelligent sources and wear your masks!

Id be happy with a hair cut

Went for annual checkup the other day. Last question at check-in was: “Any change in taste or smell?” My reply: “No, I taste and smell just like I always have.” Nurse said that was the best response he had heard that day. Sad times.

My greatest remaining aspiration is to live to 2030. That’s when things start to go bad. Very, very bad.

I’m doing everything I possibly can to avoid contracting COVID-19 because I fully intend to be alive to vote on Nov. 3.

Wake up with my sense of humour!

You’re gonna wake up one morning and find that you are gone.

I’m a bit more ambitious— I just want to live until November 4th.

I aspire to live “Till I’m too old to die young” (Thanks to: Scott Dooley,John Hadley and Kevin Welch)

Mel Brookes explaining why he and Carl Reiner lived so long: “We both like waking up in the morning”

Actual audible chuckle…

A long term plan.

I’m thinking in terms of a minute from now although tomorrow comes up now and then.

How fitting. I turned 70 this morning. I’m finally, officially, old.

hoping i live long enough to vote on 11/3 — has become my one sole goal for 2020

Hey STEPHAN!! Please don’t use words like aspire. To close to expire.

Aspiration is a great thing for the spirit, but not that great for the lungs…and in Covid times, I’d worry about my lungs first.

Ask yourself, but why?

That about covers it, yes.

Well, bub, that’s a goal you cannot control, a.k.a. a wish.

Sigh… why is this so relevant?

Pig has become grimly morbid. Maybe he needs a psych check-up….

eh …

Sometimes Pig’s dumbness is actually insightful.