Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for July 17, 2020

That’s the corpse of a person with a huge ability to accept delayed gratification

That’s more effort than I would put into a joke I won’t be there to enjoy.

Someone who bought the farm jokes about barn doors.

Dad Jokes never die… here’s proof!

And I could only wish they WOULD DIE!

I want my tombstone to read, “Pluto is still a planet. Change my mind.”

If I were going to have a gravestone, I think it would be nice to have something that would make people smile.

RIP Mr. Cha

This reminds me of a riddle etched on a gravestone at the cemetery where I volunteer as a guide. It says “What do the dead eat, but if the living were to eat it, they would die? Answer on the other side”.And what’s on the other side of the stone? NOTHING!

For the record, the owner of that stone and plot is still very much alive.

Ooooh- When I’m dead I want one of those!

You left out the frame of where he was leaving his mark on the stone.

I’m leaving instructions that I be buried naked, face down, and very shallow. So that friends who come to visit my grave will have a place to park their bicycles.

The classics never die.

My stone will say “Died from an overdose of bacon-cheddar cheese burgers. Enjoyed every one.”

Still, better than “You’re next.”

This problem is easily solved by wearing an extra long tie.

Caught him dead to rights.

Oh! I wanna do that.

Wiley, thank you for the laugh

Proof that there are people who still don’t know how to lock a zipper….

This is happening more and more as my waist size keeps increasing faster than I can buy new pants. Gotta leave the top button unbuttoned and let the belt do the job.

If it was Trump, his tie would now be safely zipped!

One last “Dad” joke!

parforden > Very gullible. Must be a tr*mp supporter.

just a headsup there’s a suggestion out there we don’t make the dude’s heart bounce by repeating his name, even with criticism. better apparently is the alias “#45”

Never read the comments…

JerkYes you

just saw a video of a Mexican fruit vendor getting cussed at by a privileged white guy whose fly was unzipped. it was never mentioned in the video.

Good one, Wiley!

parforden > Very gullible. Must be a tr*mp supporter.

just a headsup there’s a suggestion out there we don’t make the dude’s heart bounce by repeating his name, even with criticism. better apparently is the alias “#45”

WILEY—you are funny

I’ve been working on my epitaph, but so far Mrs Baker has refused every one of them. If I keep this up, I’ll never die.

Years ago, I worked for a large insurance company in downtown Portland, Oregon which sits within the public transit mall. I had just left work one afternoon when I noticed two men and one woman dressed in business suits being, what looked like a “street person” panhandling. As expected, the trio ignored the guy and continued on their way, when the guy yelled at the top of his lungs, over the bus and traffic noice, “I WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU, YOUR FLY IS OPEN!”

Made you look.