Frazz by Jef Mallett for July 25, 2020

Saddles… and some handles… tend to get brittle with age. And they have brand new tires, because those old ones won’t work for even an hour.

Then there’s the fact that they’re not wearing biking gear because it doesn’t fit…

Unfortunately, many bicyclists do know the rules of the road and just don’t care.

How can you tell, when most riders show no traffic skills.

One of my bikes is so old it has Suntour and Sugino components.

Overbalancing and wobbling are the first clues. Lack of directional control is second. Bloody knees and bruised forehead are third. Loud shrieks and a certain shade of blue generated by the proper incantations fall anywhere in the mix. At my age I might try if it came with free hospitalization and million bucks but not a dollar less.

Bikes can be cruel mistresses, and humiliate even the best riders. I’ve seen Tour de France riders fall off while milling about before the start. Passing a pair of pedestrians on a walking/biking path, I made a sharp maneuver to give them lots of clearance, and forgot the twenty pounds of groceries I had in a backpack. In the blink of an eye, I was on the ground. When asked if there was any help they could offer, my reply was, “Please forget you ever saw this.”

Here is what Frazz means by “no traffic skills”. The most obvious one is riding against traffic. I know it’s illogical for non-cyclists, but this is the most dangerous thing you can do. You show up for motorists where they least expect you and you just can’t negotiate turns safely in traffic. Another one is riding the sidewalk, just begging to hit a pedestrian, mangle a pet on an extensible leash or get run over by a car backing out of a driveway. As you learn to ride faster and more assertively, you take the intersection at a stop sign to prevent cars from crowding you into the curb or cutting you off by making a right hand turn right in front of you as you go through the intersection (happened to me, motorist wanted me to fix the dent and scratches in his passenger side door, I offered to call the police to settle the matter, he left). Experienced cyclists signal their intentions at an intersection and make eye contact. If a motorist does not look at you and acknowledge your presence, chances are he/she didn’t see you. On the plus side, Mallett is right, this pandemic has brought bikes out of storage and motorists are having to deal with the fact they have to be more careful and share the road. But I rattle on…

After hip replacements, I can ride just fine. But, getting on and off, not so much. And then, there’s that balance thing. At every doctor’s office visit now I’m asked the question: “Have you fallen in the last three months?” And that’s in reference to just being able to stand up and walk. I miss riding, but not riding in traffic.

even if they have the skills, they totally ignore laws, as well as etiquette.

Wrong, Frazz; I spent the better part (well, it wasn’t really better; I hated it) as a professional driver, and I long since came to the conclusion that bicycles must come with an instruction book on how to ignore any and all traffic rules; I spent way too much time taking positive action to avoid killing bicyclists who, by all appearances, were set on using me to commit suicide.

Bicyclists = worst hazard on the road.

Just last Wednesday, I was going through a two way stop intersection, with my road having right of way. Just as I was going through, a cyclist went past the stopsign, flipping me off as he just missed my car by mere inches. Unfortunately, this is all to common, and STILL WRONG.

worst bike versus car accidentI ever saw involved a bicyclist observing all the rules and an idiot who just parked his car ,did not check his rearview mirror and opened his car door RIGHT into the path of the approaching bicyclist . It was and sight to see the mangled bike and the poor guy that got hit by the door limp away ( he refused help)

“You kids stop riding those bicycles that way! (Shaking fist) And get off my lawn!” Sure are a lot of grumpy old fards posting today.

the worst bike riders are found in the same place as the worst drivers (especially uber) in major downtown areas.

Try being a hiker on a joint hiking/mountain bike trail. Hikers always have the right of way…yeah, sure. Be prepared to jump off of the trail fast, and if you have your dog on a leash beside you, try not to clothesline the idiots as they zip past. Look, I understand, it’s hard to bike up or down hill and then have to stop or slow down to make room for a hiker; I’ll gladly give you folks the trail—but if you’re going to be running up on people from behind, purchase a bicycle bell…and use it.

I was always impressed by the knowledge that bike messengers in NYC could get packages from A to B in always less (sometimes substantially less) than half the time that a car could do it. I’m sure that a good deal of that advantage came from maneuverability, but I don’t doubt that a non-trivial portion of it came from ignoring red lights, stop signs, and the occasional pedestrian.

The other day, I saw some bicyclists riding slower than I could run, to the chagrin of the driver behind them.

Greg LeMonde jersey and a Campi cycling cap.

I would have guessed downtube shifters.