Real Life Adventures by Gary Wise and Lance Aldrich for October 02, 2020

I’m leaving every thing I have to my eldest son, of course all I have are bills.

“And to my daughter, whom I promised to remember in my will: ‘Hi, Shirley!’”

heir, a parent

Sure I’ll leave it all to you, but only if you can support me and your mom for 30 years when we’re old, feeble and incontinent.

Did it ever occur to you maybe Dad was trying for a better kid?

But if something were to happen to the other siblings…

What an imp to imply this

“You kidding? When I kick the bucket, the frau’s gonna spend it all on gigolos and partying. You ain’t gettin’ jack, kiddo!”

I had 2 brothers. My parents had us list 10 things we wanted after they died. We chose a lot of the same things; but usually in different order. Whoever listed it higher in sequence got it. When there was a tie, we drew cards.

My mother told me I was getting half the house and some cash. The rest was going to her second husband (he was only four years older than I was). I was perfectly alright with what I would receive. However, he died before she did and I inherited everything (including what he left her). Made me close to a two millionaire.

Each of them will get a boot to the head.

Cue: “Lonely Boy” by Andrew Gold

I like to say that the reason I have a younger sister (by four years) is our parents believed that if at first you don’t succeed, try again.

And why no third child? Well, they believed in cutting their losses.