Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for March 16, 2021

Good evening, one and all! Here’s an oldie, but a goodie…or maybe just an oldie. Who knows? Here goes:

A man needs a job, so he applies at the local zoo. “We don’t have any openings for a zookeeper at the moment,” he’s told. “But our gorilla just died, and he was our main attraction. How about we pay you to put on this gorilla suit and pretend you’re the gorilla?”

Well, the man is desperate, so he takes the job. Soon, he grows into his rôle, and he’s jumping around, thumping his chest. Unfortunately, the gorilla head he’s wearing impairs his sight, and one leap takes him over the fence and into the lion’s pit. As he lies on the ground, dazed, he sees the lion coming toward him, closer and closer… He begins screaming, “Help! Help me!!”

When the lion gets to him, it opens its mouth, and says, “Shut up! Are you trying to get us both fired?”

just how comfortable are stinging nettle fibers?

I would pass out unconscious if I tried saying Lachschlaganfall ten times fast.

What, y’mean the babies weren’t delivered by storks?

It’s been a very long time since I’ve had a really good laugh.

The world could use a laugh like that right about now.

One of my favorite lines in a song (to paraphrase): “We laughed so hard we cracked the walls.” ~ Jefferson (Airplane) Starship

Take care, may roadie Geoff Clarksonord be with you, and gesundheit.

Medical term? It’s just German for “laughing attack”.

If identical twin nurses are working in a maternity ward, is this such a rare event? It’s probably happened many times, before and since.

Many Germans died from exposure after flocks of goldfinches ate the soldiers’ uniforms.

I enjoyed Steve’s story very much and it reminded me of this one. A bum walks into a bar and says to the barkeep “I’m broke but if I perform a trick that impresses you enough, will you give me a drink?” The barkeep says “If I think it’s good enough you’ll get your drink but it’d better be good!” “What is it?” The guy says “I can fart to the tune of Dixie and you’ll definitely be impressed!” The barkeep says “OK, let’s see it!” The bum climbs up on the bar and, on all fours, starts straining until his face turns a bright red and suddenly poops all over the bar! The barkeep is livid and threatens to beat the bum to a pulp when the bum says “Hey, even Puccini has to clear his throat before he performs!” Arrivederci opera lovers!

Nurses deliver babies in Athens Georgia rather than physicians?

That explains a lot. Evidently the stingers in Adolf’s uniform drove him nuts, and other German soldiers suffered lache schlaganfall watching him.

Those Krauts would have had no difficulty staying awake on guard duty.

And due to that same cotton shortage, World War I German soldiers’ underpants were made of pieces of broken glass. BELIEVE IT, OR DON’T!

The medical condition in which you smell your own feet until you pass out from the stench is called Toganbonk. BELIEVE IT, OR DON’T!

Someone claimed if it wasn’t for the stings, stinging nettles would be a favorite of herbivores — so much so, they wouldn’t be common.

Humans have found ways to remove the sting. Even so, they are NOT a popular food for humans, even though they reportedly have a relatively high nutrition value and pleasant taste.

I hope Tara’s husband isn’t a drunkard as well as a Drinkard.

I imagine those stinging nettles made the German soldiers fighting mad.

The German soldiers were easy to detect because all you could hear at night “For Gott’s sake does anybody have some Benedryl?”…

Lachschlaganfall most often occurs when congresspeople promise reforms…

There is a HUGE contradiction here! Lachschlaganfall is obviously a German word, but … no German has ever laughed. And I wonder if this has ever happened to anyone, but that’s another discussion.

The German uniform post is very difficult to believe.