That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for July 30, 2021

Margret, on the verge of tipping over.

With the wedding around the corner, Miss Lovely couldn’t decide whether to get a new hairdo.

Lady Rose had composed a new sonnet / on a page with her age written on it. / She’d done one every year, / as her birthday grew near, / (all the others she kept in her bonnet.)

“Does this hat make my head look big?”

And she had to bring her own bed sheets, but at least those she have double as a dress.

London Theatre Review, 1833:

Mary Wells “holds a mirror to life,” / acting in A Bold Stroke for a Wife. / She has done all she can / with her role, Lovely, Anne. / Miss Wells’ next role will be Mac the Knife.

“All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up.”

Her big hat made some think she was brainy, / but, in fact, she lacked sense, acting zany. / And, aside from gray hair, / no gray matter’s up there, / so she’s now a political trainee.

“I am headed for the smallest room in my house. Your letter is before me . Soon, it will be behind me…”

As her secret pregnancy progressed, Agnes would have to employ increasingly larger handkerchiefs to conceal it.

Yes! I’m afraid that it’s true. Please do not mock. Drying hands on my frock. Simply will not do. It’s sweaty palms said the Doc while checking the clock. And I’m afraid clammy palms is my rue.

“Don’t recognize me with my clothes on? That was me in yesterdays painting.”

In some hotels, the toilet paper is rubbish.

“Bustle in your bonnet”…“Bustle in you Hedgerow”….Doesn’t matter what you call it. It’s just your menarche dear and here, you’ll need some TP until we can get to the pharmacy.

The most boring tattoo sleeves I’ve ever seen.

How much TP do I need to bring? If I take more than I need should I be kind and leave it for the next sitter?

On the morning after the ball/ Her Ladyship slips down the hall/ Tis an hour til dawn:/ she’ll be first to the John/ and she’ll take her sweet time. Damn them all !/// She’s even brought something to read./ Tis a note from her girlfriend in Tweed/ who’s asked her to stay/ for she must get away/ from her marriage, that’s going to seed../ how to save it she hasn’t a clue/ but I think we know what she should do:/ lose the thing on her head, / (Tis an object of dread)/ and spend far less time in the ’loo..

I now understand why some women take half an hour getting ready to sit on the toilet.

Open mike night, Charlotte’s stand up comic career bombed.

John Earl’s wife help him decide what to call his new tea.

“This is all the TP I get for five groschen?”

The Leaning Tower of Charlotte.

“These curtains look better on me than they ever did on the windows.”

Lolabella is practicing her part as Ko-Ko for the upcoming Doily Carte all-female cast production of “The Mikado”.

Be thankful that in 1833 you have paper to use for such a purpose.

She has a couple of TP rolls stached in her hat.

Charlotte was mortified when her friends told her that “stuffing” didn’t involve a girl’s bonnet.

The new gun was well hidden in her bonnet … but what to do with the receipt?

Mary Wells: 

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Mary_Wells_(actress)_as_Anne_Lovely_in_A_Bold_Stroke_for_a_Wife_by_Samuel_de_Wilde.jpg 

has info and links that point to more info about this roughly B4 paper size, circa 1792 painting.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (⌘- or Ctrl-) clicking the image at 

http://thatispriceless.blogspot.com/2021/07/masterpiece-2760.html 

I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to the artist info I used to point to here. First work by this artist used here.

Charlotte loathed the outhouses!

No, I didn’t invent rent-free accommodation for midgets. This is a Stay-Free Minipad.

Nothing you can say can tear me away from my guy.

Linguist’s Travel Tip #1 ALWAYS have a roll of toilet paper stashed in your luggage, backpack, or purse!!

“And that concludes my striptease. Thank you for your most generous contributions.”

No one thought a pot roast could be smuggled into the country under someone’s hat.

LADY JANE had worn GREY to proclaim / that, (unlike the most famed of that name), / though she’d like to be Queen— / just nine days? Not her scene, / so she plotted to be named a Dame. /// Lady Jane’s scheme meant travel to Haiti, / where she learned how to do something shady. / A vile voodoo spell / sent her rivals to Hell. / She’s now Dame, (but this dame is no Lady.)

@Solstice*1947; @Call me Ishmael; @Bookworm; If you talk that way in real life … that would be … interesting. And cool.

Why .. yes! I did teach the oldest man (Tim Conway) how to walk. Why do you ask?

“Good evening, my name is Eileen Wright.”