Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for December 24, 2021

Hey, Ripsters! I’m back – tanned and rested, and no funnier than ever, but still full of attempts, as the following will attest. And as it’s my first day back from Rome, I’ll make it an absolutely true story. (Hey, it’s better than going to confession and trying to convince a priest…)A few years ago, a friend and I bought time on a local radio station to broadcast high school baseball, both of us selling advertising to pay for it as well as put some money in our own pockets. Larry, my friend, had sold a “relief pitcher package” to a local chiropractic clinic, the schtick being that, every time a relief pitcher came in, he would read the ad copy – “This moment of relief brought to you by Burien Chiropractic Clinic, yada yada —” and then ask me, “So who’s coming in to relieve Johnson on the mound?” (or whoever the starting pitcher was) and I would give the name and stats of the reliever. [Note: I didn’t like this schtick at all. When announcing a game, it’s important to keep the stats book up-to-date, and instead, I had to look up stuff we already had. Anyway…]

One afternoon, the Head Coach called “time” and strode out to the mound. Larry, convinced a relief pitcher was on his way in, started reading his ad copy. However, since he had never actually memorized his copy, he had to take his eyes off the field to read, and he didn’t notice that the coach ended up leaving the starter in the game. So when he asked me “So who’s relieving Johnson on the mound?” before I thought about how it would sound, I answered, “Well, Larry, it looks like Johnson is relieving himself on the mound.”

Larry’s jaw dropped…and we couldn’t make eye contact the rest of the season.

Must be kind of weird to be snacking on a cookie that looks like you…

“Look, I am eating my own arm!”

“Oh yeah, Look at Duke Loosey, nibbling on his own crotch!”

210-ish years going strong for gingerbread… even Max Miller did a YouTube last year on his Tasting History channel regarding it as did Jon Townsend on his Jas. Townsend and Son channel a few days ago.

A couple of cannibals were dining on a math teacher. The wife said “This is really good Pi.” (OMG possibly the stupidest joke I’ve ever imagined)

For heaven’s sake. Did Tracey buy an entire castle? That’s a larger house, all right.

Steve broached the topic of lawyers, so that seems like a legitimate use of my time, and possibly even yours.

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.

“Tim, you be first,” she said “What does your mother do for a living?”.

“She’s a doctor,” Tim replied proudly.

What about you Amy?” she asked.

“My father is a mailman,” Amy answered.

“What does your father do Billy?”.

“He plays piano at a whorehouse,” Billy said as though it was the greatest job in the world.

The teacher was shocked and immediately changed the subject to history.

After school, the teacher went to Billy’s house. His father answered the door. The teacher explained what Billy had said, and demanded an explanation.

Billy’s father said, “I’m actually a lawyer, but how am I going to explain that to an eight-year-old?

Merry Christmas. Until next time.

Tangled in a Plastic Baby Swing?…I thought that bull elk was simply following Covid guidelines.

Does anyone know of another Queen Elizabeth 1, apart from the English one mentioned ? We call these Pleonasms…

“Run, run as fast as you can. You can’t catch me. I’m the gingerbread dignitary.”

And it’s well-known that they did in fact eat foreign dignitaries in those days.

Take care, may unintentionally comical memorabilia auctioneer Gus “It All Started With My Very First Triple Espresso” Vandertord be with you, and gesundheit.

Anyone else notice that the Snitch got away when she opened the truck door?

I live in Colorado and read it was a TIRE stuck in the antlers and on the neck of the elk.

I wonder what foreign dignitary became the model for the standard cookie we have today. The Uncle Oscar of cookies. Maybe it’s in the Queen’s notes

and Tracey lives alone in that new bigger house

Reminds me of the true story of an announcer at a cricket match: “The pitcher is Holding, the batsman’s Willey.”

I want to answer with one of my own—probably not true.About 1970, give or take, a black family had worked hard and made a small fortune. Instead of moving to “a deluxe apartment in the sky”, a la the Jeffersons, they bought a very nice house in an upscale neighborhood, complete with wrought iron fencing, gorgeous lawn, beautiful gardens. They were the only black family on the block. When they moved in their next-door neighbors on one side were on vacation and did not return until two weeks after.A day after the neighbors returned, the man came over to the fence where the new owner was mowing his lawn. Striking up a conversation, the neighbor finally gets around to asking, “So, I was wondering, what do they pay you for doing the gardening?”The new owner, having a relaxed sense of humor, responded, “Oh, they don’t pay me nuthin’, but I gets to sleep with the lady of the house.”

Too bad she couldn’t buy one of those Potterverse containers bigger on the inside.

https://youtu.be/ZCqh5ROtQRg

wasn’t that elk in a Farmers insurance ad?

Bull elks are huge and quite strong. I wanna see that baby swing.