Lio by Mark Tatulli for January 08, 2022

Swell

My terrestrial brother was once an “extra” in an opera.

The anal probe will soon be forthcoming.

For your earliest convenience!

Until then have a nice day!

You F O.

And if ya want to “phone home” please deposit a billion dollars in coins

It can be frustrating having to wait for your probe.

Service in 30 minutes, or you’re probing is free!

“You beamed me up to make me wait!? What the #@*%??”

That means Lio will be in that UFO all day!

Shouldn’t he have to listen to alien Muzak while he’s waiting?

It is the same everywhere:customer no-service!

Good. Gorram. Grief…

Triteness has no bounds.

Please listen carefully, as our probing options have recently changed.

Very droll! (I would have sworn that there wasn’t room in the Universe for a new “your business [or call] is very important to us” joke.)

Not even refreshments or magazines?

Usually, they get you while asleep.

I know how he feels. I was on the phone with 3 or 4 (they blur together after all the hours of holding) different customer service people at two different companies. And I am not sure if I got things straightened out or not.

NAH-nu NAH-nu

How satisfied were you with your abduction:

A. Very satisfied

B. Somewhat satisfied

C. Neutral

D. Somewhat unsatisfied

E. Very unsatisfied

F. I’d rather not answer

… with our new, improved Probulator 5000!

i wanna see a good old fashion tractor beam pull