Tonight’s offering is absolutely true; it’s been my “signature” story for more than 50 years:
When I was in the 4th grade, the class bully, Tom Gould, used to target me. Since I was half his size, I didn’t have much of a chance on the playground, but in the classroom I had a little better footing…until he came up with the perfect rejoinder — at least perfect for the fourth grade — of “Not quite, Eromlig!” Anything I would call him, he came back with the same comment.“Gould, you hippo-butt!”“Not quite, Eromlig!”
“Gould, you banana brain!”
“Not quite, Eromlig!”
No matter what I called him, he came back with the same response. But finally one day, I figured out how to cope with it. I said, “Gould, you homo sapien!” Yes, it got the expected response.
Note: the teacher was writing on the blackboard at the time. I know she heard the exchange, because, although she didn’t turn around, she stopped writing and her shoulders shook for a good two minutes. It was a glorious day.
A lady had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, “Mom, I have someone for you to meet!”Well, it was an immediate hit.
They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain.
Their first night there, she undressed as he did.
There she stood au naturel except for a pair of black panties, he in his birthday suit.
Looking her over, he asked, “Why the black panties?”
She replied “My top you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning.”
He knew he was not going to get lucky that night.
The following night was the same, she stood there wearing the black panties and he was in his birthday suit but now he was wearing a black condom.
She looked at him and asked, “What’s with the black condom?”
He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences.
Ballerinas seem to be quite similar to those Jeff spiders.
Take care, may shivering crawl space explorer Robbie “My Dad Was A Spelunker And Taught Me Everything I know About Keeping A Straight Face In A Grand Effort To Appear Not In A Psychotic Panic” Incognitord be with you, and gesundheit.
but after metamorphosis butterflies have thousands of eyes that let them see in every direction and have super color vision, including infrared and polarized light.
eromlig over 2 years ago
Tonight’s offering is absolutely true; it’s been my “signature” story for more than 50 years:
When I was in the 4th grade, the class bully, Tom Gould, used to target me. Since I was half his size, I didn’t have much of a chance on the playground, but in the classroom I had a little better footing…until he came up with the perfect rejoinder — at least perfect for the fourth grade — of “Not quite, Eromlig!” Anything I would call him, he came back with the same comment.“Gould, you hippo-butt!”“Not quite, Eromlig!”
“Gould, you banana brain!”
“Not quite, Eromlig!”
No matter what I called him, he came back with the same response. But finally one day, I figured out how to cope with it. I said, “Gould, you homo sapien!” Yes, it got the expected response.
Note: the teacher was writing on the blackboard at the time. I know she heard the exchange, because, although she didn’t turn around, she stopped writing and her shoulders shook for a good two minutes. It was a glorious day.
Copy-&-Paste over 2 years ago
Slow News Sloth
Bilan over 2 years ago
How can the parasitic worm walk on its tiptoes?
Charlie Fogwhistle over 2 years ago
Here’s a little NSFW joke.
A lady had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, “Mom, I have someone for you to meet!”Well, it was an immediate hit.
They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain.
Their first night there, she undressed as he did.
There she stood au naturel except for a pair of black panties, he in his birthday suit.
Looking her over, he asked, “Why the black panties?”
She replied “My top you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning.”
He knew he was not going to get lucky that night.
The following night was the same, she stood there wearing the black panties and he was in his birthday suit but now he was wearing a black condom.
She looked at him and asked, “What’s with the black condom?”
He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences.
Until next time.
therese_callahan2002 over 2 years ago
Caterpillars have twelve eyes, and the night has a thousand eyes.
Huckleberry Hiroshima over 2 years ago
Ballerinas seem to be quite similar to those Jeff spiders.
Take care, may shivering crawl space explorer Robbie “My Dad Was A Spelunker And Taught Me Everything I know About Keeping A Straight Face In A Grand Effort To Appear Not In A Psychotic Panic” Incognitord be with you, and gesundheit.
artegal over 2 years ago
I’d like to see the eye chart they used to determine caterpillars have poor eyesight. Also, is it all caterpillars, or just the nerds?
markhughw over 2 years ago
but after metamorphosis butterflies have thousands of eyes that let them see in every direction and have super color vision, including infrared and polarized light.
paranormal over 2 years ago
You need very specialized glasses???
mindjob over 2 years ago
That’s why sloths are really good at foreplay