Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for March 07, 2022

Walrus’s are full of other stuff too…PHEW!

Tonight, friends, I present a classic. (Translation: you’ve probably heard it before.) But, hey – don’t classics deserve revisiting from time to time? Who among us hasn’t seen Wizard of Oz at least five or six times? So without further adoodoo…

A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, “You can’t bring that dog in here!”

“But,” the man explains, “This isn’t just any dog; he’s a special dog. He can talk!”

“Oh, yeah? Well, prove it and your beer is on the house – let’s hear your dog talk.”

“No sooner said than done. Fido, what’s on the top of a house?”

“Roof!” says the dog.

“That wasn’t talking!” the bartender snarls. “C’mon, have him really say something.”

“OK,” the man says. “Fido, what’s on the outside of a tree?”

“Bark!”

The barkeep is getting pretty angry by now. “You got one more chance, Buddy. And if your dog doesn’t talk, I’m throwing you both outta here.”

Looking at the dog, the man implores, “Now, Fido, you heard the man; this is important! So who was the greatest baseball player of all time?”

“Ruth!” …and with that, man and dog find themselves out on the street, dusting themselves off.

The dog looks up at the man and asks, “Should I have said DiMaggio?”

This is the joke I nearly posted last night.

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a “handy-woman”. She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,” he said, “How much will you charge me?”

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, “How about $50?”

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man’s wife, overhearing the conversation, said to her husband, “Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?”

He responded, “That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?”

The wife replied, “You’re right. I guess I’m starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we’ve been getting by email lately.”

Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.

“You’re finished already?” the startled husband asked.

“Yes”, she replied, “and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.

“And, by the way," the teenager added, “it’s not a Porch, it’s a Lexus.”

Until next time.

Recorded sound has been around since 1877 C.E. So how do we even known sunbirds’ songs have been having the same tune for five hundred to one million years?

What do you get if you mate smart asses with dumb asses?

I wonder where they got the recordings that were over 500,000 years old to compare them to.

Then I guess ’Goo goo ga joob" is walrus talk for “I got stones in my belly.”

So they were the ones responsible for all of today’s wild ass conspiracy theories. And there’s another one.

Take care, may irony lost on them all day long Kyle “I Saw It On The Internet So I Know It’s TRUTH” Rittenord be with you, and gesundheit.

Mmmmm, rocks taste like chicken!!

As far as the walrus is concerned, “Paul is dead”-Goo goo g’joob.

How did the sunbirds record their song 500,000 years ago to compare?

And just how do we know what the sunbirds were singing 500,000 years ago?

Rocks are fattening

This entire RBION entry for today leads me to say “Not”!

First: asses and donkeys are of the same species, whether domestic or wild, and would not produce a “hybrid”. Archeological DNA research has determined that Kungas were indeed the crossbreeding of donkey (asses) and a horse. Ergo, MULES!

Second: I, like so many above, doubt the voracity of the “researchers” being able to determine the sound of a bird’s song being the same melody for 500,000 years! Despite the “Grandpa” explanation (cute). They could not possibly know, with any certainty that the melody has remained the same for 500,000 years! Are the words the same, also? I would submit that over the past 500,000 years the birds themselves have made some evolutionary change as well!

Third: as for the “stones” in the walrus stomachs, I would believe this would be on the order of gravel and sand. “Stones” might connotate something larger. It seems more plausible that since these animals do forage the bottom for mussels and mollusks that some ingestion of gravel and sand would be expected. However, it is most likely that these foreign objects pass naturally through the digestive system. If it didn’t, I’m sure the walrus would have some difficulty maintaining buoyancy!

HUMPH! I say!

So walruses swallow cherries whole?

I wonder if the Walruses are so very buoyant because of all their blubber that they need the stones to submerge, like a SCUBA diver in a wetsuit needs a weight belt?

I guess those sunbirds have got earworms.

Boy, did that tune get old.

How does Ripley’s know the sunbirds sang the same song for 500,000 years? Did they have a correspondent there???

What does a drunk walrus have in common with a woman at a tupperware party?

They’re both out looking for a tight seal.

How do the know that is the same tune the sunbirds have sung for 500,000 years?

When John Lennon sang: “I am the walrus”, did he mean he was “stoned”?

It’s a hard life for walruses

OK. I call BS on the bird song one. HOW would you KNOW WHAT was being sung before Cro-Magnon Appeared?

singing baby sunbird do do do do do