Kermit wondered how many songs there are about rainbows, but that’s nothing compared to the stories of men taking dogs into bars. Another favorite (I hope) follows: I could say “Stop me if you’ve heard this,” but I would not…and you could not. Here goes:
The bartender looks up from toweling down his bar to see a man walking in with a dog. “Hey, aren’t you the guy I threw outta here yesterday because your dog couldn’t talk?” he asks the man.
“But, Sir, I can talk!” says the dog. “I can also sing, whistle, and tell jokes!”
“Amazing,” says the barkeep, who is amazed. “Go on.”
“Not only that; I once stopped a terrorist by sniffing out his bomb at the airport – and I was also a champion sled dog in The Iditirod.”
The bartender turns to the man and says, “I gotta have that dog! How much do you want for him?”
“Ten dollars.”
“WHAT?!? Just ten dollars for a dog like this? Why so cheap?”
There seems to be a pot-pourri of jokes tonight. Here’s one about a man who loves his wife.
A home invader breaks into a house and finds a couple in the bedroom and holds them at gunpoint.
The home owner points to the woman and says, “You have to let her go right now. You can have all the money and jewelry in the house, you can have my credit card and car keys.You can even shoot me but you have to let her go right now.”
The gunman says: “You must really love your wife.”
“Yes I do” says the man, “and she will be home in 20 minutes.”
Icefish questions… First question, Why are they called ice fish? They do live in water don’t they? Or are they supposed to look like they are made of ice? Next question… Since when do fish live in nests? I thought fish lived in schools and birds lived in nests?
I feel like someone is trying to make a fool out of me and everything i think I know and I’m worried that they are succeeding.
I told them I was from the third population that was hanging out in trees but they accused me of lion. ~ Brrr, Land of Oz
Take care, may proud Judy Garland record album collector Sidney “I Was Hooked On Zamfir And His Pan Flute Until I Saw Judy On The Cover Of Her Carnegie Hall Record” Bjord be with you, and gesundheit.
I think in “Jungle Tales of Tarzan” (experiences Tarzan had before he met Jane Porter), he ate something that didn’t agree with him, and when he slept he dreamt of being chased by a lion. He ran up a tree, and the lion followed him, and was even able to stand on the smallest, slenderest branches, like little twigs!
eromlig over 2 years ago
Kermit wondered how many songs there are about rainbows, but that’s nothing compared to the stories of men taking dogs into bars. Another favorite (I hope) follows: I could say “Stop me if you’ve heard this,” but I would not…and you could not. Here goes:
The bartender looks up from toweling down his bar to see a man walking in with a dog. “Hey, aren’t you the guy I threw outta here yesterday because your dog couldn’t talk?” he asks the man.
“But, Sir, I can talk!” says the dog. “I can also sing, whistle, and tell jokes!”
“Amazing,” says the barkeep, who is amazed. “Go on.”
“Not only that; I once stopped a terrorist by sniffing out his bomb at the airport – and I was also a champion sled dog in The Iditirod.”
The bartender turns to the man and says, “I gotta have that dog! How much do you want for him?”
“Ten dollars.”
“WHAT?!? Just ten dollars for a dog like this? Why so cheap?”
“I can’t stand liars.”
Templo S.U.D. over 2 years ago
how tasty are Antarctic icefish anyway?
Charlie Fogwhistle over 2 years ago
There seems to be a pot-pourri of jokes tonight. Here’s one about a man who loves his wife.
A home invader breaks into a house and finds a couple in the bedroom and holds them at gunpoint.
The home owner points to the woman and says, “You have to let her go right now. You can have all the money and jewelry in the house, you can have my credit card and car keys.You can even shoot me but you have to let her go right now.”
The gunman says: “You must really love your wife.”
“Yes I do” says the man, “and she will be home in 20 minutes.”
Until next time.
Bilan over 2 years ago
What do those fish in Antarctica feed on? There can’t be any coral or plankton there.
dlasher over 2 years ago
For those who want to look up info about the fish, it is specifically Jonah’s icefish (Neopagetopsis ionah)
theincrediblebulk over 2 years ago
Icefish questions… First question, Why are they called ice fish? They do live in water don’t they? Or are they supposed to look like they are made of ice? Next question… Since when do fish live in nests? I thought fish lived in schools and birds lived in nests?
I feel like someone is trying to make a fool out of me and everything i think I know and I’m worried that they are succeeding.Huckleberry Hiroshima over 2 years ago
I told them I was from the third population that was hanging out in trees but they accused me of lion. ~ Brrr, Land of Oz
Take care, may proud Judy Garland record album collector Sidney “I Was Hooked On Zamfir And His Pan Flute Until I Saw Judy On The Cover Of Her Carnegie Hall Record” Bjord be with you, and gesundheit.
Nala the Great over 2 years ago
And that “Sea Dragon” was the great, great…grandfather (or mother) of the one currently residing in Loch Ness.
WCraft Premium Member over 2 years ago
Ice Fish facts (very strange creatures!) https://www.thoughtco.com/antarctic-or-crocodile-icefish-2291921
FassEddie over 2 years ago
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a lion sitting next to him.
“Excuse me, are you a lion?” asks the man.
“Yes.” Says the lion.
“What are you doing at the movies?”
To which the lion replies, “Well, I liked the book.”
mindjob over 2 years ago
Ichthyosaurs tasted great, but it was a drag picking all those bones out of your teeth
JDP_Huntington Beach over 2 years ago
Lions…my crazy brother is an accomplished hunter.
He has the heart of a Lion.
The zoo was furious.
He once bagged 3 lions on a single hunt.
THAT’S when the zoo decided to ban him.
catonmyshoulders over 2 years ago
Wonder if the sea dragon is the predecessor to Nessie.
catonmyshoulders over 2 years ago
Humans do not usually eat icefish however seals like to snack on them.
WDD over 2 years ago
I think in “Jungle Tales of Tarzan” (experiences Tarzan had before he met Jane Porter), he ate something that didn’t agree with him, and when he slept he dreamt of being chased by a lion. He ran up a tree, and the lion followed him, and was even able to stand on the smallest, slenderest branches, like little twigs!