Ordinarily I stay away from politics. However, now and then I find a meme I can get behind, as with the following timely mot:
Vladimir Putin decides to pay a visit to an agricultural collective. He approaches the farmer in charge and asks, “How much wheat do you have, Comrade?”
“Comrade Putin, we have enough wheat to reach God in Heaven!” comes the ready response from the farmer.
“Comrade, as a Marxist, you know there is no God,” Putin replies.
The farmer, not missing a beat, responds, “Comrade Putin, as a Marxist, you know there is no wheat. “
I haven’t posted for a while, so I’ll do a two-fer. Both dealing with a medical situation.
An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery. But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally, so the call went out. Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him: “I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another motorcycle, diamonds & money… but you only gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street chocolates.”
To this the Arab replied: “Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins”.
There once was a boy named George Gunderson who did not do very well in school. His classmates ridiculed him every day, as did his teacher, Mrs. Jones. George couldn’t stand it, and always came home crying to his parents.
One day, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson decided to come to the school early to give Mrs. Jones a piece of her mind. The second the door opened to let the kids outside, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson peeked inside to hear Mrs. Jones screaming at George. “George Gunderson, you are the dumbest kid in the world!”
George’s parents immediately stormed into the classroom. “Our son is not dumb!” they yelled. “He is a sweet and kind young lad with plenty of potential!”
“He has no potential at all!” shrieked Mrs. Jones. “He was born an idiot and he’ll die an idiot!”
The Gundersons were so outraged that they immediately moved to Chicago.
Some thirty years later, Mrs. Jones came down with a terrible illness and went to her doctor.
“You have a very rare disease,” the doctor said. “There is only one doctor in the whole country who can sure your disease. His name is Dr. Gunderson, and he works in the Chicago hospital.”
At once, Mrs. Jones bought a plane ticket to Chicago. After arriving in Chicago, she went straight to the hospital and asked for Dr. Gunderson. While treating Mrs. Jones, Dr. Gunderson put her on a life support system. One day, she asked him, “You know, Dr. Gunderson, I don’t believe you ever told me your first name. What is it?”
Dr. Gunderson was about to answer, when suddenly, Mrs. Jones collapsed. She was dead.
Dr. Gunderson saw that the janitor had absentmindedly unplugged the life support system so he could plug in his vacuum cleaner.
He shook his head and said the the janitor, “You know, George, sometimes I can’t believe you’re my brother.”
The Ant, and Spider, were hanging at the millipede’s house…They ran out of Booze. So being a good host, the Millipede volunteered to get more at the store.
After 2 hours the millipede was nowhere to be found.
They opened the front door and saw the Millipede was still putting on his shoes
Useful Metric Equivalents
1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
52 = 1 decacards
1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
435.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
10 rations = 1 decoration
10 millipede = 1 centipede
3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
10 monologues = 5 dialogues
2 monograms = 1 diagram
8 nickels = 2 paradigms
What goes 999 clunk, 999 clunk?A millipede with a peg leg
In Dime Box Texas I was told at a stop sign to “please don’t play that radio on Sunday here sir” by a young child of about 8 years old crossing the street. No joke.
Take care, may dry county enthusiast Theodore “Make The Devil Work On You In More Creative Ways” Cleavord be with you, and gesundheit.
It’s strange that a lot of local ordinances banning dancing on Sunday were instigated by religious groups, like Baptists. I guess they hadn’t read their OT bible where it said that King David danced before the altar of God.
Another “scientific” conclusion regarding the ancient millipede. They have determined it weighed “more than a 100 lbs”! This without a scale. Now before you come at me with formulas, derivatives and other forms of “educated guesses”; please be aware that math, measurements, weights and other means used for determining conclusions, are arbitrary devices made up by men to help them think they can describe the mysteries of the universe. Some proof of MY theory lies in the historical hits and misses and changing conclusions that plague all of scientific theory. i.e. Physicists cannot agree on whether light is a wave or a particle; so, it must be both! Even though waves and particles are defined differently! I submit light’s true nature may be something we are never able to conceptualize.
Science has become another religion which is a concept based on faith. “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” as defined in the book of Hebrews of the Bible. Simply believing in something (or someone) you cannot explicitly prove! This is the basis of all religion.
The nurse at the hospital were laughing and Nurse Betty walks in and says “what is so funny?” They say " the patient in room 403 has a tattoo on his private part that says SHORTY
to continue…Nurse Betty says" “well, when I was bathing him the other day, what I saw on his private part was SHORTYS BAR AND GRILL ATOP LOOKOUT MOUNTAIN CHATANOOGA TENNESSEE!”
I think Arthropleura was the largest arthropod to roam ON LAND. I’m pretty sure there are lobsters and crabs, buoyed up by salt water, living today that reach or exceed that size.
eromlig over 2 years ago
Ordinarily I stay away from politics. However, now and then I find a meme I can get behind, as with the following timely mot:
Vladimir Putin decides to pay a visit to an agricultural collective. He approaches the farmer in charge and asks, “How much wheat do you have, Comrade?”
“Comrade Putin, we have enough wheat to reach God in Heaven!” comes the ready response from the farmer.
“Comrade, as a Marxist, you know there is no God,” Putin replies.
The farmer, not missing a beat, responds, “Comrade Putin, as a Marxist, you know there is no wheat. “
monkeysky over 2 years ago
I saw a scale model of arthropleura in a museum once. I’d love to see one in real life, but sadly that will never be.
Also, apparently hair ice actually relies on a single specific species of fungus: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hair_ice
Charlie Fogwhistle over 2 years ago
Well, this next one attempts to wring humor from a different topic.
I think this probably happened at a public gym of some sort.
A bodybuilder takes off his shirt and starts flexing in front of a blonde woman. She exclaims…“Wow, what a great chest you have!”
“He says, “Solid dynamite, babe.”
He then takes off his sweat pants and the blonde says, “Wow, what massive calves you have!”
He flexes his leg muscles and says, “Like I said, pure dynamite, sweetheart.”
Then he removes his underwear and the blonde goes running and screaming in fear.
He gets dressed and goes chasing after the woman. When he catches up to her, he asks, “Why the heck did you go running off like that?”
She replies, “I was afraid to be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was.”
Until next time.
Charlie Fogwhistle over 2 years ago
Pull my finger.
http://wav.bruitages.net/boat.wav
RabbitHole over 2 years ago
I haven’t posted for a while, so I’ll do a two-fer. Both dealing with a medical situation.
An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery. But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally, so the call went out. Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him: “I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another motorcycle, diamonds & money… but you only gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street chocolates.”
To this the Arab replied: “Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins”.
RabbitHole over 2 years ago
And for the second.
There once was a boy named George Gunderson who did not do very well in school. His classmates ridiculed him every day, as did his teacher, Mrs. Jones. George couldn’t stand it, and always came home crying to his parents.
One day, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson decided to come to the school early to give Mrs. Jones a piece of her mind. The second the door opened to let the kids outside, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson peeked inside to hear Mrs. Jones screaming at George. “George Gunderson, you are the dumbest kid in the world!”
George’s parents immediately stormed into the classroom. “Our son is not dumb!” they yelled. “He is a sweet and kind young lad with plenty of potential!”
“He has no potential at all!” shrieked Mrs. Jones. “He was born an idiot and he’ll die an idiot!”
The Gundersons were so outraged that they immediately moved to Chicago.
Some thirty years later, Mrs. Jones came down with a terrible illness and went to her doctor.
“You have a very rare disease,” the doctor said. “There is only one doctor in the whole country who can sure your disease. His name is Dr. Gunderson, and he works in the Chicago hospital.”
At once, Mrs. Jones bought a plane ticket to Chicago. After arriving in Chicago, she went straight to the hospital and asked for Dr. Gunderson. While treating Mrs. Jones, Dr. Gunderson put her on a life support system. One day, she asked him, “You know, Dr. Gunderson, I don’t believe you ever told me your first name. What is it?”
Dr. Gunderson was about to answer, when suddenly, Mrs. Jones collapsed. She was dead.
Dr. Gunderson saw that the janitor had absentmindedly unplugged the life support system so he could plug in his vacuum cleaner.
He shook his head and said the the janitor, “You know, George, sometimes I can’t believe you’re my brother.”
therese_callahan2002 over 2 years ago
Enter Kevin Bacon, who convinced the people of Fort Smith to dance.
JDP_Huntington Beach over 2 years ago
What’s more disgusting than a millipede?
A millipoo
The Ant, and Spider, were hanging at the millipede’s house…They ran out of Booze. So being a good host, the Millipede volunteered to get more at the store.
After 2 hours the millipede was nowhere to be found.
They opened the front door and saw the Millipede was still putting on his shoes
Useful Metric Equivalents
1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
52 = 1 decacards
1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
435.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
10 rations = 1 decoration
10 millipede = 1 centipede
3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
10 monologues = 5 dialogues
2 monograms = 1 diagram
8 nickels = 2 paradigms
What goes 999 clunk, 999 clunk?A millipede with a peg leg
J. R. M. over 2 years ago
Length of a car? A smart car? Or a Limo?
Huckleberry Hiroshima over 2 years ago
In Dime Box Texas I was told at a stop sign to “please don’t play that radio on Sunday here sir” by a young child of about 8 years old crossing the street. No joke.
Take care, may dry county enthusiast Theodore “Make The Devil Work On You In More Creative Ways” Cleavord be with you, and gesundheit.
arrseetee over 2 years ago
We had ‘blue laws’ in Ohio until about 1955. On Sunday, we could not do anything except go to church. Or truly essential stuff, like hospitals.
preacherman Premium Member over 2 years ago
It’s strange that a lot of local ordinances banning dancing on Sunday were instigated by religious groups, like Baptists. I guess they hadn’t read their OT bible where it said that King David danced before the altar of God.
198.23.5.11 over 2 years ago
Fort Smith doesn’t exactly sound like Fun City.
Did Fred Astaire get 60 days in jail there?
NoNameOntheBullet Premium Member over 2 years ago
Another “scientific” conclusion regarding the ancient millipede. They have determined it weighed “more than a 100 lbs”! This without a scale. Now before you come at me with formulas, derivatives and other forms of “educated guesses”; please be aware that math, measurements, weights and other means used for determining conclusions, are arbitrary devices made up by men to help them think they can describe the mysteries of the universe. Some proof of MY theory lies in the historical hits and misses and changing conclusions that plague all of scientific theory. i.e. Physicists cannot agree on whether light is a wave or a particle; so, it must be both! Even though waves and particles are defined differently! I submit light’s true nature may be something we are never able to conceptualize.
Science has become another religion which is a concept based on faith. “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” as defined in the book of Hebrews of the Bible. Simply believing in something (or someone) you cannot explicitly prove! This is the basis of all religion.
joefearsnothing over 2 years ago
The nurse at the hospital were laughing and Nurse Betty walks in and says “what is so funny?” They say " the patient in room 403 has a tattoo on his private part that says SHORTY
artmer over 2 years ago
Hey, speaking of Arkansas. You know the toothbrush was invented there? Yeah, anywhere else it would be a teethbrush.
joefearsnothing over 2 years ago
FassEddie over 2 years ago
An avid line dancing couple go to the doctor for a check up because they are having trouble remembering anything but all their favorite line dances.
The doctor finds them in excellent health, but suggests that writing things down may help their memories off the dance floor.
After dinner, the husband gets up to go the kitchen and the wife asks for a dish of ice cream, suggesting that maybe he write it down.
He says, “I don’t need to write it down.” She says, “Well, I want strawberries on it, so maybe you better write it down.”
“I don’t need to write it down!” He says and walks off in a huff.
Twenty minutes later he comes back with a plate of bacon and eggs.
“I told you to write it down!” she says,"You forgot my toast!”
paranormal over 2 years ago
No dancing on Sunday? Did Kevin Bacon and Company challenge the law?
Is there a period of time, if laws aren’t enforced they become invalid?
Scott S over 2 years ago
Gotta cut loose! Footloose!
Kick off your Sunday shoes!
paullp Premium Member over 2 years ago
The law didn’t ban dancing privately? Bunch of liberals!
scpandich over 2 years ago
“Roam the earth” is a key point to note with the Arthropleura; there were a few larger aquatic arthropods.
pbr50138 over 2 years ago
The length of a car varies and isn’t a standard of measurement.
WDD over 2 years ago
I think Arthropleura was the largest arthropod to roam ON LAND. I’m pretty sure there are lobsters and crabs, buoyed up by salt water, living today that reach or exceed that size.