Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for March 10, 2022

Our relationship with The Evil Empire is currently tenuous at best. The following won’t help:Vladimir Putin calls the American Ambassador and says, “We Russians are, in every way, superior to you Americans. To prove it’ we’ve bred a super-dog that can tear apart any dog you care to send up against it.”The American pauses, and then replies, “Well, this is rather sudden. But give us one year, and we will hold a dog fight to put your claim to the test.” Both men hang up, and the American gets to work.One year later, at the chosen arena, the Russians release their dog, which is indeed ferocious – it’s big, ugly, powerfully built, and obviously mean. Then the American’s dog enters the arena, and the Russians start laughing. The dog is large, but it appears to be simply an oversized Dachshund – a wiener dog.“You’re putting that up against our dog?” they ask, incredulously. “Well, let the fight begin!”Both dogs are released, and the Russian dog charges at his opponent, snarling and barking. But before he can get started, the American animal leaps forward, grabs the other dog in his mouth, and proceeds to tear it apart – and then starts eating it. The Russians are amazed.“If you had such an animal, why did you wait a year for the fight?” the Muscovite trainer asks.The American dog handler replies, “It took our plastic surgeons that long to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.”

Both Mrs. Fogwhistle and I got a kick out of this next joke. I hope you do too.

A Chinese husband and wife are having a busy night at the restaurant they operate when an old friend of the husband makes a surprise visit. The two men have a few drinks to celebrate and after a while the husband tells his wife they are going to a nearby pub, but won’t be long.

The husband eventually comes home at 3am and gently awakens his wife and asks “Hey, what about a little sixty nine?”

She flies into a rage, “You go out drinking with your friend, you knew how busy the restaurant was, you leave me to do all the hard work, and now you expect me to get up and make you Mongolian Lamb with Snow Peas!?”

Until next time.

That aluminium foil: that’s an imperial tonne (1,016.047 kg or 2,240 lbs), right?

Much like the ones in CFW’s joke a few days ago, this young couple found themselves at the hands of a home invader. He told them he just broke out after 15 years in jail, and would use their home to stay low for a while, before tying them up and locking them in the basement.

“Honey”, the husbond wispered, “This is a real mean guy, and we obviously need to do what ever it takes to survive. If he decides to have his way with you, I think you should just let him do it, it’s not worth getting killed for.”

“Well, I’m glad you see it that way”, she replied, “because he told me he thinks you have a real nice butt!”

Think of all the guano those bats leave behind.

It takes three hours because the female bats take so long to get ready.

That Bracken Cave rush-3-hours can be a bug ger!

Probably the females; we all know how long it takes them to get ready for a night out.

At least earthworms can still smile.

Leave for where?

Those bats need a Bat Signal.

My retired neighbor said that he was done with smart phones. He said that AT&T was charging him an extra fee because he’s old!

I couldn’t believe it. They certainly wouldn’t put such a charge on the bill.

“I’ll prove it!” he said. He disappeared into the next room and, after a few minutes of riflingaround in his stacks of papers, he brought back the bill.

“Look! Right here! It says, ‘Over Age’ fee!”

There’s also a huge colony of bats living under the Congress Street bridge in Austin…

Well, no wonder earthworms are not picky about whom they choose for mates…

This a bat s**t story!

I’m too lazy to google it – how is foil used in dyeing hair??

I’m told metal recyclers in the United States typically don’t want aluminum foil. I don’t really understand why.