Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for April 19, 2022

Another unleavened joke for your Passover (in)digestion:

A Jewish man wants to know if it’s permissible to have sex with his wife on Shabbat (the Sabbath). Working is prohibited on that day, so the question was, is sex work or play? The town’s rabbi being temporarily unavailable, he approaches the Parish priest.

“Father,” asks the Jew, “Is sex work or play?”

“Oh, it’s most definitely work, my son,” says the priest. So the man goes away, but then stops and says to himself, Wait a minute – this guy isn’t even married! What does he know about sex? So he asks the Baptist preacher the same question.

“Sex? Of course it’s work!” replies the minister. But as the man leaves, he notices the one child the preacher and his wife have, and thinks, Well, this guy is definitely not overworked – but that answer still doesn’t feel right.

Finally the rabbi is available. The Jewish man has to ask him, too: “Rabbi, is sex work or play?”

“Why, it’s play. Definitely play!”

“But, rabbi, the priest and the preacher both said sex is work. How can you be so sure?”

The rabbi answers, “Because if it were work, my wife would have the maid do it.”

One time there were four fishermen. One time I was two feet tall. One time I traveled at 51 miles per hour.

May the Lord be with you.

Since last month’s fiasco, how are the fishermen now? Some minor injuries?

That mosquito factoid is the first one I’ve read that seemed truly unbelievable, so I looked into it. Apparently, the origin of the 50% figure isn’t really know, and it might be as low as 10% in reality, but mosquitos (along with malaria) are still far and away the most dangerous predator in human history.

I once saw a guy whose mullet and beard made him look like Willie Nelson.

Fatal diseases, believe it or not:

A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. He’s negative for COVID, Ebola, Malaria, and pretty much all the recognizable infectious diseases.

The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.

“This is your doctor. We’ve got the results back from your battery of tests, and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty and rare virus that is highly contagious and is frequently fatal.”

“Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, Doctor?”

“Well, we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and quesadillas.”

“Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully.

The doctor replied, “No… but it’s the only food we can slide under the door.”

Until next time.

Surgeon: Relax, David. This is just minor surgery. Stay calm. Patient: My name’s not David. Surgeon: I know. I’m David.

Ice fishing likely means beer drinking, and beer drinking leads to ideas like “Hey, I wonder what would happen if we put a sail on the ice shanty?”

And immediately following the mulletfest the participants all get back into their Disney Goofy costumes and resume their normal lives.

Take care, may famed birthday clown Charles “Chucko Says If You See Things Through A Child’s Eyes They Will Let You Into Their World” Runyord be with you, and gesundheit.

I still have a mullet.

Actually, the Michigan fishermen ran out of beer and dragged their shanty 50 miles to the nearest IGA.

A guy with a mullet decides to go ice fishing. He goes out on the ice and begins cutting a hole to drop his line through. Suddenly a loud, booming voice speaks from far above: “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”⁠

Somewhat spooked, he moves to another spot and tries again. Once again, the deep voice from above: “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”

⁠Now the guy is thoroughly frightened. He looks up timidly and asks, “Is that you, Lord?”⁠

The voice replies, “NO! THIS IS THE RINK MANAGER!”

…and it is a known fact that every human that lives will die…

Sooo … did the fishermen sell their hut, or just sail it?

Reader: “Where are the books on Paranoia?”

Librarian: “They’re right behind you…”

Do bad teef help your mullet score?

About the mosquitos, HOGWASH!!!

There’s a skeeter on my peeter knock it off, there’s a skeeter on my peeter knock it off, There’s a dozen on my cousin i can hear those F*&# nuts buzzin there’s a skeeter on my peeter knock it off!!!

Steve’s Geezer squad still hasn’t changed or made any real (aka “meatware”) friends.

They even have age categories! Yea … I’m entering my 2 year old son …

https://www.mulletfest.com.au/

is there such a thing as a “best” mullet…?

All of the people with mullets shall be in the Kurri Kurri Old Auditorium at 1:00pm to show them off and be judged.

On an entirely unrelated note, the Kurri Kurri Old Auditorium will be demolished at 1:10pm.

It’s late Tuesday, so here’s a dusty little bit of a joke with no friends that I found in an abandoned joke mine shaft.

A gorgeous woman goes to a Doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci heels, Versace dress and Prada purse…“I’ve been stung by a nasty insect of some kind,” she tells the doctor, “…but I’m ashamed to tell you where.”

“It’s okay,” says the good doctor. “Our communication is privileged; I won’t tell anyone.”

“Okay, It was at Walmart.”

One more to follow.

What type of hair will Putin soon have on his head?

A Cross hair.

Until next time.

There should be a mulletfest in the United States.I would enjoy being a contestant or a judge.

A new GMO mosquito strain that has a gene that kills female mosquitos as larvae, has been released in Florida. Males, which don’t bite, survive and pass on the gene. In time, this could reduce or eliminate the Aedes aegypti mosquito population, which is responsible for nearly all mosquito-borne disease in the area. https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-021-01186-6

Best mullet? That’s like a sweet fart. There’s no such thing.