Hang in there, Jewish friends; the leavened bread is just a few days away. In the meantime (why is time so mean?) here’s an old joke. One of the oldest – at least from the standpoint of when it takes place…
Back in the early early days of The Garden – REALLY early; back when Eve was around but before the serpent showed up, Adam was trying his best to learn how to cope with a woman. It wasn’t easy; Adam had never had a woman in his life – not even a mother. He found himself on his knees, praying fervently about his plight:“Oh, Lord,” he moaned, “Why did you make her so beautiful?”
“So you would be attracted to her, My Son,” came the sonorous tones of The Almighty from above.
“OK, God,” Adam went on. “But why did you have to make her so DUMB?”
A man enters a pub and sits down next to a woman. He orders himself a glass of champagne and the woman next to him responds: “How about that, I ordered a glass of sparkling white grape juice but champagne would have been better.”
“What a coincidence,” the man replies, “for me it’s a special day and I’m celebrating.”
“This is a special day for me too,” the woman replies, “I’m also celebrating.”
“What a coincidence!” Says the man. The man and woman touch glasses and the man asks, “What are you celebrating?”
The woman replies: “My husband and I have been trying for a long time to have a child and today I was informed that I am pregnant!”
The man: “What a coincidence. I own a chicken farm, and for a long time all the chickens on the farm were infertile, but today they have all laid fresh eggs!”
“magnificent!” The woman exclaims “But how is it that suddenly all the chickens are fertile?”
The man explains to her “I used another rooster”. The woman smiles: “What a coincidence!”
This joke originally had the woman drinking champagne. Since fetal alcohol syndrome is a real danger to the unborn, I changed her drink to protect the health of the innocent.
One day, Moses, Jesus and a old man were playing golf. They got to a water hole, and Moses was up to tee off first. So, he took his shot, and it landed squarely in the water. But Moses parted the water, took another shot, and landed next to the cup.Jesus was up next, and his shot ended up close to the same place. But Jesus walked out onto the water, and took another shot. He landed even closer to the cup.The old man stepped up, and took his shot. He also landed in almost the same spot, in the middle of the water. But a frog came by, and picked up the ball. It started to hop away when an eagle came swooping down on it, carrying it over the green. As it flew over, the frog dropped the ball. The ball then rolled into the hole for a perfect hole in one.Moses then turns to Jesus and says, “I hate playing golf with your Dad.”
And Ibrahim harassed the RBION phone lines hourly for two years before they finally broke down and sent their people, admonishing them to keep a straight face while he stacked the eggs on the back of his hand.
Take care, may sophomoric but stared at poser Daphne “Everything Makes Me Cry But That Is My Super Power” Thunbergord be with you, and gesundheit.
A guy runs into a bar. “I’ll have a vodka tonic, but make it snappy!” he says to the bartender.
The barkeep hands him his drink. The guy throws a twenty down and says, “Keep the change. I gotta get out of here, Big Joe’s coming!”
Hearing this, patrons all over the bar frantically get up and stampede out the door, tossing cash and credit cards on their tables and the bar to pay their checks.
The bartender splutters in protest as his bar empties, but to no avail. “Man, we gotta get out of here! Big Joe’s comin’!!”
Outside, bystanders scatter as a Harley screeches to a halt outside the bar. An impossibly huge, burly, tattooed mammoth in a black leather jacket dismounts, lights a cigar that looks more like a cigarette between his sausage-sized fingers, and stomps his way into the bar.
“GIMME A BEER!!!” he thunders, slapping his hand down on the bar with a CRACK!! forceful enough to send empty glasses crashing to the floor.
“Y-yes sir, right away sir,” the bartender says, finding his biggest glass and handing it to the behemoth. He tips his head back and drains the entire draft at a single gulp, and the glass shatters in his hand as he slams it back to the bar. “AHHH….THAT’S THE STUFF!”
“Would – would you like another one, sir?” the barkeep asks timidly.
“ARE YOU KIDDING?” the giant roars, “I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE. BIG JOE’S COMIN’!”
So you like having the prices of goods skyrocket, grocery prices so high that the elderly can’t afford to buy them and pay their bills.Must be great living in a world like yours, where you don’t have to worry about anything,and letting the government pay for what you want while the rest is have to work to support your sorry as_.
The fishmongers ‘accidentally’ pulled up a tooth? As opposed to intentionally pulling up a tooth they couldn’t possibly know was down there? The wording seem strange to anyone else?
RBION has interesting commenters, Trump sure was effective at upsetting some fine people so much so they can’t quit him even after 15 months. Must be the real fear of a return to politics. Who knew Wooly Mammoths could swim?
eromlig about 2 years ago
Hang in there, Jewish friends; the leavened bread is just a few days away. In the meantime (why is time so mean?) here’s an old joke. One of the oldest – at least from the standpoint of when it takes place…
Back in the early early days of The Garden – REALLY early; back when Eve was around but before the serpent showed up, Adam was trying his best to learn how to cope with a woman. It wasn’t easy; Adam had never had a woman in his life – not even a mother. He found himself on his knees, praying fervently about his plight:“Oh, Lord,” he moaned, “Why did you make her so beautiful?”
“So you would be attracted to her, My Son,” came the sonorous tones of The Almighty from above.
“OK, God,” Adam went on. “But why did you have to make her so DUMB?”
“So she would be attracted to YOU, My Son.”
jasonsnakelover about 2 years ago
Avid Deliuk One time I had 91 t-shirts.
Sibrahim Adeq One time I had 19 eggs.
May the Lord be with you.
JDP_Huntington Beach about 2 years ago
David Eliuk really believed in dressing in layers.
Ibrahim Sadeq must have some really big hands.
Charlie Fogwhistle about 2 years ago
A man enters a pub and sits down next to a woman. He orders himself a glass of champagne and the woman next to him responds: “How about that, I ordered a glass of sparkling white grape juice but champagne would have been better.”
“What a coincidence,” the man replies, “for me it’s a special day and I’m celebrating.”
“This is a special day for me too,” the woman replies, “I’m also celebrating.”
“What a coincidence!” Says the man. The man and woman touch glasses and the man asks, “What are you celebrating?”The woman replies: “My husband and I have been trying for a long time to have a child and today I was informed that I am pregnant!”
The man: “What a coincidence. I own a chicken farm, and for a long time all the chickens on the farm were infertile, but today they have all laid fresh eggs!”
“magnificent!” The woman exclaims “But how is it that suddenly all the chickens are fertile?”
The man explains to her “I used another rooster”. The woman smiles: “What a coincidence!”
This joke originally had the woman drinking champagne. Since fetal alcohol syndrome is a real danger to the unborn, I changed her drink to protect the health of the innocent.
Until next time.
MY DOG IS MY CO PILOT about 2 years ago
Huckleberry Hiroshima about 2 years ago
And Ibrahim harassed the RBION phone lines hourly for two years before they finally broke down and sent their people, admonishing them to keep a straight face while he stacked the eggs on the back of his hand.
Take care, may sophomoric but stared at poser Daphne “Everything Makes Me Cry But That Is My Super Power” Thunbergord be with you, and gesundheit.
FassEddie about 2 years ago
Big Joe
A guy runs into a bar. “I’ll have a vodka tonic, but make it snappy!” he says to the bartender.
The barkeep hands him his drink. The guy throws a twenty down and says, “Keep the change. I gotta get out of here, Big Joe’s coming!”
Hearing this, patrons all over the bar frantically get up and stampede out the door, tossing cash and credit cards on their tables and the bar to pay their checks.
The bartender splutters in protest as his bar empties, but to no avail. “Man, we gotta get out of here! Big Joe’s comin’!!”
Outside, bystanders scatter as a Harley screeches to a halt outside the bar. An impossibly huge, burly, tattooed mammoth in a black leather jacket dismounts, lights a cigar that looks more like a cigarette between his sausage-sized fingers, and stomps his way into the bar.
“GIMME A BEER!!!” he thunders, slapping his hand down on the bar with a CRACK!! forceful enough to send empty glasses crashing to the floor.
“Y-yes sir, right away sir,” the bartender says, finding his biggest glass and handing it to the behemoth. He tips his head back and drains the entire draft at a single gulp, and the glass shatters in his hand as he slams it back to the bar. “AHHH….THAT’S THE STUFF!”
“Would – would you like another one, sir?” the barkeep asks timidly.
“ARE YOU KIDDING?” the giant roars, “I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE. BIG JOE’S COMIN’!”
JoshHere about 2 years ago
Those guys should do well in a funny farm facility
magicfever495 about 2 years ago
So you like having the prices of goods skyrocket, grocery prices so high that the elderly can’t afford to buy them and pay their bills.Must be great living in a world like yours, where you don’t have to worry about anything,and letting the government pay for what you want while the rest is have to work to support your sorry as_.
WestofthePecan Premium Member about 2 years ago
The fishmongers ‘accidentally’ pulled up a tooth? As opposed to intentionally pulling up a tooth they couldn’t possibly know was down there? The wording seem strange to anyone else?
mikekcindyk about 2 years ago
Just Republicans? Why not ALL lying dickhead politicians?
Even Ammosexual works more than 10 to 4 Premium Member about 2 years ago
RBION has interesting commenters, Trump sure was effective at upsetting some fine people so much so they can’t quit him even after 15 months. Must be the real fear of a return to politics. Who knew Wooly Mammoths could swim?