Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for April 28, 2022

Rat is not a glass half full kind of guy.

While I write this comment present become the past.

Everything here will soon become the past

Either the Present was the Future in the Past

or the Present will be the Past in the Future.

I can’t figure out which one.

Give him an A and a hug.

The future isn’t what it used to be.

It’s the Crying Game!

“But Och! I backward cast my e’e,

An’ forward tho’ I canna see,

—Robert Burns, “To a Field Mouse”

Rat takes all the fun out of the here and now!

Why fail him? He is right.

I don’t even know why Rat is in this class, and why it looks like a junior high assignment, if that.

Transfer him to philosophy class (dark) instead.

All wrong. The future is what you won’t have if you don’t give your wife a present because you forgot what happened on this day in the past.

What about the NOW NOW?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNIwlRClHsQ

“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.” -Ford Prefect.

The future ain’t what it used to be.

The present is a gift. You can use it for regret and dread.

… or you can learn from the past … to have a better future.

Personally, I’d give that an “A+”

Present: The two pair of designer boots I gave to The Countess for her birthday last Sunday. She loved them, btw. :)

Surprised Rat did not ask which dictionary to use …

“There is no yesterday, no tomorrow, only today” Janis Joplin !

Present: What you get for Christmas and on your birthday.

One gentleman at the end nearly looks like the Censor Guy.

A razor thin slice of time so small it almost doesn’t exist. When you say the word ‘present,’ by the time you get to the ‘r,’ the ‘p’ is already in the past. The “present” is the infinitesimally small particle of time when the future (which doesn’t yet exist) becomes the past (which no longer exists).

They failed me.

The Anti-Buddhist.

Pass him. He’s not wrong.

You have to settle with the past, engage in the present, and believe in the future.Kate Baker, Cheaper by the Dozen 2

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

He didn’t tense up taking the quiz.

Fail him

aw rats, b+

If only Rat had worn a bow tie, then he would be more believable.

Best to cry. Don’t fail Rat or y’all get hit in the head with a baseball bat.

So how long does the present actually last?

Rat hasn’t been the same since Pig’s sister dumped him.

Time keeps on slippin, slippin, slippin, into the future.

Didn’t think anyone smokes pipes anymore. Then again, it depends on what’s in it…

Rat has out done himself…no tears…

The past is just a goodbye. G. Nash

“For you are dust, And to dust you shall return.” But you are not dust now, so live with it.

The Past is dust and ashes. The Present is sweeping up the past. The Future is holding the dust pan. (Rather bleak, I admit, but note that the Present and Future are the only ones doing anything. ;>D)

A pipe? Who smokes a pipe anymore?

Fail? It was spot on

I’m confused. Is it English 1B or English 18?

Way too much over thinking here. Answer: yesterday, today, tomorrow.

Rat tells it like he sees it. He just always sees it negatively.

That definition really does fit all three words.

Why is Rat taking an English class, again?

Past, present and future are the phase transitions of time. The past is time in solid form; the present is time in liquid form; the future is time in gaseous form.

Fail him? H-e-double-hockey-sticks, NO! Rat is, in this instance, an honors student.

nailed. it.

Rat is more like “a glass thrown at your head” kind of guy!

Why fail? He got the past and future part right

A+

This is one of your best @StevenPastis.

Actually, those are pretty cogent definitions.

I took English 1A and English 1B.

There is no present. As soon as you recognize it, it is the past.

At the end of time is the letter ‘e’.

Nostalgic grammar: past perfect, present tense

Fail him? Why? That’s a fairly accurate description of all 3.

Anger is about the past. Fear is about the feature.

You can’t fail him. He may have a macabre viewpoint, but he’s not wrong.

Fail him? That’s an A+ answer if I ever saw one!

I thought this was English, not philosophy.

Having read through the comments, there is no reference to the dread of a nuclear conflagration in the future. When I was a kid we were trained to hide under our school desks. Unfortunately there is no longer a school desk for me to duck under anymore. These are really scary times.

English teachers cry a lot these days. A really big, big lot!

Good one, Stephan!

Why is that guy allowed to smoke in his office?

a very common teacher reaction (take my word for it)

This one actually made me laugh out loud. It’s so funny because it’s not funny at all.